The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


December 5, 2005


Ahh my friends, it has been far too long since we've had a good discussion. Truth be told, there hasn't been much to talk about until recently. So I have pages and pages of notes on shows from November 21 thru December 2. I probably won't touch on everything, or else I might be here writing until sometime next year! But I will do what I can. My musical selections today are all over the map. I'm starting out with Bauhaus Gotham, the double live album, er CD (old habits are hard to break) from their 1998 tour. *Sigh* I just saw them again on November 19, and it was just too fantastic for words. From there, I go to the How the Grinch Stole Christmas soundtrack, Social Distortion Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell, and ending up with Trans-Siberian Orchestra Christmas Eve and Other Stories (I have them all, I just like this one the best).

Where to begin... everyone in town hates Jonathan. I'm trying hard to care about this because I like Jeff Branson so much. I think he's a terrific actor. But shouldn't everyone hate him? I don't know many people who are willing to give murderers a second chance, especially when they are as menacing as Jonathan was and terrorized so many people. Sure, he's meek as a kitten now, kind of. And for that matter, how insulting is to just about everyone, that the incredibly soapy and cliche brain tumor defense is at work here? I think I might be more apt to forgive Jonathan if he, after surviving the explosion, realized he got a second chance at life and decided himself to do something about his anger issues by committing himself and getting the help he truly needs. Then coming back and trying hard to be a good person, and making up for everything he has done. Surgery, the quick fix is such a cop out. Erin and Ryan keep saying Jonathan isn't responsible, it was the tumor. But no, that's not true. Jonathan was responsible. From where I'm sitting, Erin, Ryan and Jonathan are still so screwed up mentally by their father that they should be in family therapy for a long long time to work out these issues. None of them have seen a therapist at all.

Which leads us to all hell breaking loose in Pine Valley. Someone is doing a lot of bad things around town and to me, well it's pretty obvious but I am not going to say who I think it is (I'm not thinking Jonathan though, in case you're wondering, it's obvious but not THAT obvious!) It seems as though it's Amanda. Who I have to say, is some piece of work. She gets mowed down by JR, and she knows it's was JR but instead she goes along with Babe taking the blame. I find that to be kind of a puzzler. She pretty much hates everyone in town, and JR has treated her like absolute crap, so why not say she saw him and send the spoiled brat to jail? Alright, alright, I know the show is called AMC not WWKD, but still. Why protect JR after how incredibly horrible he's been to her. Can she be so delusional to think that it really is Babe's fault that Jamie didn't marry her so she hates Babe more? Maybe she is more her mother's daughter than anyone knew, because I have to tell you, that's kooky logic.

Good stuff starts to happen after JR, who actually shows some genuine concern for Babe after she is pushed down a flight of stairs at the hospital, asks Babe to move back into Chandler Mansion until they find out who tried to kill her, even though everyone believes it to be Amanda. Babe agrees to at least spend the night there. This dynamic is getting interesting. We have Babe who is trying to make JR fall in love with her so she can marry him and be able to see her son every day. But is she actually falling for him? It certainly seems so to me. Then we have JR, who is constantly suspicious of Babe and everyone else for that matter, when they are nice to him and you know, I can't say I blame him for that. He's such a miserable SOB to everyone on the planet that he should be suspicious of anyone being nice to him. But he also seems to be falling back in love with her too. I find JR much more tolerable when he's not so angry and vengeful. So is she playing him or not? Is he playing her back or not? I hope they do fall in love, for real this time. What they had previously is not what I would call love. And lately I find myself hating JR with only half of every fiber of my being when he's in scenes with Babe.

So Babe gets settled into a guest room and is sleeping happily when a mumbling and stumbling Adam comes into the room. Seems he's a little hot and bothered by being in bed with Krystal (Mr. Diva interjects here with an editorial comment of his own, "who wouldn't be?") and wishes she would start wearing flannel nighties. Looking for a place to sleep without the, er, distraction of Krystal's bodaciousness and slinky lingerie, he gets into bed with Babe who promptly screams her lungs out, shocking the hell out of Adam and getting JR and Krystal to run in. JR explains to Adam why Babe is there. Well his explanation is that Amanda tried to kill her, but as we know, that fact remains to be seen. But he was worried about her and wanted her to have a safe place to stay. And then JR and Adam get LINE OF THE WEEK honors for this exchange: JR: "At least I thought it was safe. I didn't realize my father was going to mount her." Adam: "I, I did not mount. I, I merely leaned." Of course, Adam doesn't believe anything and figures that Babe threw herself down the stairs because somehow Babe could have predicted that JR would take her home. More kooky logic.

Greenlee is very suspicious of Kendall and Dr. Madden. She can't shake the feeling that they are hiding something and, after seeing the results of Kendall's latest tests, she realizes that either her or Ryan is not the baby's parent. She confronts Dr. Madden but he assures her that the sperm used was definitely Ryan's. So the wheels start turning in Greenlee's mind, maybe it's Kendall's baby. And she has to find out and turns to Josh to help her. What is Josh's game anyway? He works for Erica but seems to hate her. He doesn't exactly seem like he likes his father much either for that matter. He helped Babe, he can't stand Amanda. Now he helps Greenlee uncover the secret by getting her into his father's office and giving her the combination to the locked files. Why? What's in it for Josh? Who is he? Who even cares. I've heard the scenarios and speculations regarding Josh and the secret that Greg has. I'm finding myself not caring at all. But that's besides the point, Greenlee gets the confirmation she needs and immediately assumes the worst. That's our Greenlee. So the plot begins. Don't ask what's going on Greenlee, don't give Kendall the benefit of the doubt, don't even consider all you have been through together. Just immediately go for the kill. Yep, that's our Greenlee. Things are about to get very ugly.

Which brings us to Thanksgiving. A crazy menagerie of people begin to assemble for two different, yet twisted Thanksgiving celebrations. The Chandler's first. JR is setting Di up, because well, this is who JR is. He's vengeful, he's spiteful, he's mean and he's angry. So he has asked Babe to Thanksgiving and asked Tad to come as well so Tad could watch her and see if she's playing him. He's also invited Palmer and Di. Adam and Krystal are there as well. So, under the guise of being human, JR tells all assembled that Thanksgiving is a day for chances. Babe thanks him for allowing her to spend Thanksgiving with the family. Suddenly Amanda shows up to cause a ruckus. What's funny is she has on a neckbrace and is using a walker, but otherwise she looks flawless and is using a walker with high heels. She's on a kooky rampage, accusing Babe of trying to kill her. But alas, no one cares about her and JR sides with Babe, sending Amanda into a hissy which results in her fainting. Was that not the most hilarious faint ever? She just kind of slowly fell into a pool of Amanda and after being revived, she leaves in a huff ripping off the neckbrace and tossing the walker aside. What an annoying and unnecessary interruption. Well, not unnecessary. We have to believe that she poisoned the soup, even though it probably wasn't her. Anyway, JR gathers everyone around to, so he says, watch home movies of Little Adam. Little do we know that we are about to see the most stupid and insignificant revenge ever. JR seems to be really proud of himself too. He hired a PI to dig up dirt on Di and all the guy came up with was a videotape of Di working as a stripper. Can I get a WHO CARES! I suppose he thought he was humiliating Di, but personally I find owning up to pretending to be your sister because you have no life of your own much more humiliating, but that's just me. Di tells JR that he wasted his money on a PI, all he had to do was ask her. She left that house unscathed. Sorry JR.

More fun is to come at the Chandler's though, when suddenly Adam takes ill and feels that his arms are going numb. At the same time, Babe is outside with JR and suddenly she can't breathe. In true JR form, he believes she's faking it as she sits there gasping for breath. When Krystal screams "ADAM!!!" JR runs inside to see what is happening and finally gets a call to 911. Palmer was hoping to watch Adam die so he didn't lift a finger to help. Shame on PC! Once JR realizes something is really wrong with Adam, he goes outside to see if Babe is OK. Both are rushed to the hospital with Krystal also showing some symptoms. Turns out Amanda is also at the hospital, brought there by Josh after he found her spaced out in the street. JR accuses her of poisoning his family. Everyone will believe this to be true. And Amanda's crazed declarations of "I'm not crazy!" don't seem to convince anyone. All in all, I think the Chandler Thanksgiving was kind of a bust.

Some random comments:

David rushes to the hospital when he hears that Babe had been poisoned and as usual, she tells him to get out and that she wants nothing to do with him. Anyone else getting bored with that declaration?

While Adam is recovering in his room, Krystal goes to see him and sit with him. I'm seeing some genuine affection here. Hmmm, Babe and JR falling in love, and Adam and Krystal too. Interesting!

Why is that whenever there are scenes at the hospital, Jamie and Anita are the only personnel available.... a med student and a physician's assistant. Any doctors on call ever?

But you ain't seen nothing yet! It's time for the Kane/Montgomery Thanksgiving. Greenlee had gone to Kendall's to make sure she was coming to dinner. As it turns out, she has morning sickness and decided not to go. But Greenlee pretty much forces her into going and helps her get ready. Unfortunately this is where Kendall trips up. Greenlee is actually giving her the opportunity to come clean and tell her what really is going on, but Kendall does not. Big mistake Kendall. So at the Valley Inn, people keep coming into the room for Thanksgiving... David, Josh, Greg, Zach, Ryan. Erica is not too pleased to see most of them (she invited Josh and she likes Ryan), but the rest say the same thing, "Greenlee invited me." As you can well imagine, Jack tries to make Ryan leave, but instead, the men call a truce for the day. Thank God. I can't decide which ones machismo is more annoying. Right now, they're running neck and neck.

Once everyone is seated, Greenlee makes a toast. Fasten your seat belts folks! She starts out sweet but things turn suddenly when she announces that Kendall is having her own baby with Ryan and not Greenlee and Ryan's baby as everyone thought. Murmurs and shock go around the table as Kendall tells Greenlee that the baby is hers, trying to keep her lie going, devastated that Greenlee has found out. But when Greenlee pulls out Kendall's file that she has stolen from Dr. Madden's office, there is no longer anywhere she can hide. Dr. Madden is awfully quiet during all this, which kind of annoys me. Kendall has no choice but to come clean and try her best to explain what happened and why she is carrying her own baby with Ryan. The night of the blackout (which by the way, I think Zach caused in an effort to stop Kendall from getting implanted with the Ryan/Greenlee embryos, just a theory) Kendall explains that she was concerned about the embryos so she went to the clinic. She found out that all the embryos had been destroyed by the power failure and that Ryan's sperm was at risk, leaving them no time to just redo everything and harvest more eggs from Greenlee. Ryan's sample would no longer be viable. Having no time to think, Kendall reacted and had Dr. Madden inseminate her with Ryan's sperm. Kendall tells Greenlee that she did it for her, that the baby is for her. But Greenlee does not believe her at all and pulls out the old long dead vendetta, accusing Kendall of never being over Ryan and wanting her own baby with him. HUH? Does she not remember Kendall admitting to her that she's in love with Zach. Apparently that was another lie to Greenlee, because at this moment it ceases being Erica's world and has become Greenlee's world. Greenlee wants to know why she didn't call her from the clinic and tell her. Kendall explained that she just couldn't break her heart again. She was there for her when she thought Ryan died. She was there for her when she lost her own baby. She couldn't put her through another heartbreak. Kendall has all the right answers, and Greenlee believes none of them and tells her she wants nothing to do with her or the baby. I have to say, I think Greenlee is way off base and way wrong. BUT, I can also understand why she would feel this way given their very shaky past. I don't know, I hated how Greenlee treated Kendall because we know Kendall did it because she loves her and not for any self serving reason. But from Greenlee's POV, it all seems too hard to swallow. But alas, it's the end of a terrific friendship. Shame too, AMC has so few girlfriend relationships. Kendall could care less about Simone. Babe has no girlfriends. Amanda has no girlfriends. Dani has no girlfriends, well maybe Simone. Brooke has no girlfriends. So what do we have... Erica and Opal and maybe Di and Julia? That's kind of pitiful.

After Greenlee rushes out with a very shocked Ryan running after her, things get even worse for Kendall as people take turns berating her for her "selfishness." Jack is the absolute worst of them all as he immediately turns on the girl he has been calling his daughter since his marriage to Erica only a few short months ago. As he declares "I wouldn't wish you on my worst enemy" to Kendall, the deal is sealed and Jack gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award. In fact the only ones who even remotely cared about Kendall's feelings in all this were Erica and Zach. But first Erica has to blame Dr. Madden. I know I talked about this before but her need to blame him is really annoyingly stupid. Kendall is a grown woman who makes all her own bad decisions, and lots of them. But they are all hers. But Erica insists that Madden manipulated Kendall for his own gain, for some personal vendetta against her. And in that quick an instant, it's back to Erica's World. Isn't it funny how Erica can make Kendall carrying Ryan and Greenlee's baby about her? It's annoying in a cracking me up kind of way. Or maybe Erica is just on crack. I don't know. She goes to Kendall though and tells her that no matter what, she loves her unconditionally. Are any of you like me and whenever Erica says she loves Kendall, get a little misty eyed? I swear, it happens every time!

Back at the penthouse, Greenlee is packing and tells Ryan she's leaving. But Ryan begs her to stay and let him help her. He promises her he's changed, that she can trust him and urges her to hold onto their love. How Greenlee didn't laugh in his face I don't know, or maybe she did, I don't remember. Ryan is determined though, and tells Greenlee that as a show of faith he will have his vasectomy reversed. But Greenlee is too far gone, she can't stay and watch Kendall have the baby she thought was hers. She can't watch him grow up. She can't be here for any of it. Ryan says he will go with her, but Greenlee tells him he has a child on the way that he cannot run from. Ryan cannot wrap his head around Kendall having his baby when he wants nothing more than to devote himself to Greenlee. Just then, Kendall arrives and begs Greenlee to listen to her. Kendall pours her heart out to a very heartless Greenlee. She tells Greenlee that she knew she couldn't take another loss and that she never once thought of the baby as hers. Kendall tells Ryan that she wants nothing more than to trust him again, and tells Kendall that she wants nothing more than to love her again, but together they destroyed her and she has to leave to fix herself and runs out. I get that Greenlee is being irrational, feeling betrayed and all. But since she ran, how will she ever know if Kendall was being truthful? What did she think would happen after nine months? Is Greenlee picturing that she'll be in the delivery room as Kendall's coach, helping her deliver the baby and once he's out, she'll snatch him out of Greenlee's hands and say "MINE!!!" I guess what I'm saying is, if Greenlee had stuck around, she might have found that Kendall did love her after all, but now she leaves and we will never know. This was our farewell to Greenlee. It kind of sucked.

At the Valley Inn, Zach confides his true feelings for Kendall to his own surrogate mother, Myrtle. Are their scenes not the sweetest!? Love each and every one of them. Myrtle tells him that if he doesn't tell Kendall how he really feels, he's a damn fool. And Zach is anything but a damn fool! But it gets interesting when Jack walks in and Zach confronts him. Zach tells Jack that he should have known that did it for love and not for herself. They all should have known. He should have stood by her, but instead he just tore her down. Jack tells him that he could have stood by her himself, but he didn't. But Zach tells him that it wouldn't have meant anything from him and she needed her family and he's so right. Zach asks Jack how he missed that Kendall needed him and his support? How did he miss that Kendall gave and gave and gave, and all Greenlee did was take? Oh how self-righteous Jack must hate that Zach is right.

Meanwhile, with Greenlee driving off, Kendall and Ryan are left alone in the garage. Ryan is in no mood to listen to Kendall. He can't understand what she did and calls her selfish. Kettle black much Ryan? And thankfully Kendall tells him something similar, that he has no right to judge her after what he has done. Damn right. It boils down to this, everyone in Pine Valley is so selfish and self absorbed that they cannot comprehend someone being selfless. Kendall tells him that she was there for Greenlee, she tried to give her everything he took from her. She gave Ryan an awful lot to think about.

At the condo, Zach finds a shattered Kendall and carries her inside and takes care of her. He comforts her, he nurtures her, he even makes her some warm milk. Who drinks that!? BLECH. At any rate, Kendall wants him to leave. See this is when I don't get Kendall. She loves him, he loves her. He is doing very loving things, things that should make her happy. She's not. She doesn't believe him. And it gets worse. Zach tells Kendall how amazing she is, now he doesn't understand Greenlee's reaction and thinks she's a remarkable woman for what she tried to do for Greenlee. He tells her he knows her and he believes in her. All these things that SHOULD make Kendall melt, hearing them from the man she loves. And then he says it, he tells that through it all, he found himself falling in love and pulls her into an ever so romantic kiss. Zach tells her, with a tear in his eye, that he understands her. Oh man, I'm just about to have a great weep at the joy that is finally Kendall and Zach when it happens. I swear, the women on this show are far too jaded! Not only does she not fall into his arms but she thinks he's lying to her and trying to hurt her even more on day when she was continually hurt over and over by people. She tells him she will not open her heart up to him just to be hurt again. Why can't she let it happen! It's what she wants. Ugh... so frustrating! Just when you think they understand each other, Kendall turns kooky. I tell ya, kooky is running rampant in Pine Valley! But despite this lapse in judgment, Kendall is our PERFORMER OF THE WEEK.

More random comments:

Lily seems to be the only one who is giving Jonathan a chance. I'm not sure if I like this or not... friendship is interesting but now with *SPOILER ALERT* Sam leaving, I hope they don't go with a Jonathan/Lily pairing. That is just wrong on so many levels, and I really can't take looking at that vein in Jack's head anymore!

Greg berates Josh for telling Greenlee about Kendall's secret. Josh tells him to stop playing God. And again I'm not drawn to this story. It's weird too because I like both characters. I just don't understand them yet I guess. Make me care about them AMC!

That brings us to scantily clad day in Pine Valley. We have JR helping Babe get undressed for bed after returning from the hospital. Then we have Amanda going to Jamie for help in defending her against the allegations that she poisoned the Chandler's. Jamie answers the door in his boxer briefs! The funny thing is Amanda is probably all titillated by seeing hunky Jamie in all his glory and we found out soon enough that he's been shagging some skank who walks out of his bedroom. Jamie's kind of a whore. Then we have Ryan on the beach, saving a bikini clad Julia who was merely swimming, not drowning and then Ryan taking his shirt off to dry off. I can't decide who looked the hottest of all these barely dressed people. Julia was looking smokin in that bikini, but Babe in her undies hmmm... well I'll have to say, even though Ryan's abs are what fantasies are made of, Jamie wins as the hottest scantily clad resident to me. YOWZA!! Maybe if they showed Jamie in his underwear more, I might actually enjoy his scenes more. I think Jamie should start doing rounds at the hospital in his underwear! Just those sexy boxer briefs and a stethoscope. Rarr!

Well on that note, now that I need to go dab my face with cold water, we come to the conclusion of this long ass Editorial with a few more random comments:

After getting the 411 from Zach about what happened when he told Kendall he loved her, Myrtle takes matters into her own hands and calls Bianca.

Tad promises Erica that he'll do what he can to dig up whatever secrets Greg is hiding. When he goes to the clinic, he finds Di there who is applying for a job. Tad asks her to help him find out info about Greg and she is more than willing to help.

JR seems to be falling in love with Babe, so in typical JR fashion he pays Del to bed her. *yawn*

Why does Dr. Madden live at the Valley Inn?

Janet is as kooky as ever and I totally love it! Can't you just feel a discussion in a mirror coming! I can! Can't wait!

This weeks AMC gets a B+ So many interesting things going on! It's almost hard to keep up!