The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


December 2, 2007

The best laid plans.... I started this year off thinking, "I will do at least one Editorial a month." Fate intervened and unfortunately that did not happen. As many of you know, in late February my father took ill while on vacation in Florida visiting my brother and sister. Being here in Ohio while he was there did not sit well for me or my brother that also lives in Ohio so we flew down. I ended up being in FL a total of eight weeks, only returning once for 2 days and going back. But it only took a phone call for my whole life to change. Dad had developed a blood clot in his leg so severe that there was nothing that could be done for him other than to amputate his leg. He endured nothing short of torture as he had surgery to relieve the pressure in his leg (a fasciotomy), then a surgery to remove his foot, then another to amputate his leg from just below the knee, and still another surgery to amputate above the knee when he wasn't healing and his wound became infected. And in the middle of all of this, he had a stroke. It's been a very very long road, but my parents returned to Ohio in early June and came to live with my husband and I. Everything in my life was put on hold to help my mother care for my father and get him back up on two legs with a prosthetic. So, if you have been wondering why I haven't had an Editorial in so so long, this is why. Everything had to be put on hold and I've slowly returned to doing updates, starting with just spoilers and gradually adding on until today when I am back with a new Editorial! I hope I haven't lost my touch and I hope you will enjoy reading it! Thank you all so much for sticking with me through this horrible year, for supporting me, being my friends, and for giving me a place to come to escape! xoxo

Of course, you long time PVB readers know I cannot do an Editorial without my tunes! So this week I have The Killers, Hot Fuss; Peter Murphy, Holy Smoke; Love and Rockets, Express; Foo Fighters, The Colour and the Shape; and Gorillaz, Demon Days.

This Editorial will mainly focus on the week from November 26 thru 30. It may or may not discuss upcoming spoiler.

It's Thanksgiving in Pine Valley and my how things have changed. There is no Martin family table. There is no Kane/Montgomery gathering at the Valley Inn (although I think they've been barred permanently haven't they?). There is no real family representation which is pretty sad. The Martin/Chandler and extended families met for Thanksgiving dinner at The Comeback. I guess since we got to see Opal and Ruth, it was ok. But it just kind of makes me sad that this soap, so rich with family history chooses to never capitalize on it. Jack had dinner at The Comeback with Lily, while Erica, Kendall, Myrtle and Josh had Thanksgiving alone at Kendall's with Spike and Ian, and ate around coffee table. Julia had Thanksgiving at The Comeback because there is not one Santos left in Pine Valley but her (where is her mom??). Babe opted to have Thanksgiving with Ryan, Annie and Richie (with Little A and Emma) instead of letting her son spend the holiday with his father and Grandparents. Zach and Greenlee spent Thanksgiving in a hole. Amanda spending Thanksgiving with Janet at the psychiatric hospital was about the only thing that made sense to me through this very disjointed holiday. Note to new writers, bring the families back together, especially on the holidays! I know my life is real and theirs is not, but if I learned one thing this year it's that life is too short.

At Kendall's with Ian just arriving home without his daddy, Kendall gets emotional and is missing her missing hubby. But she's got Erica, Josh and Myrtle to lean on. How cute was it when she introduced Ian to Myrtle as his "fairy Godmother?"

Babe basically gives Annie and Ryan attitude the whole time she's at their house because of their treatment of poor poor Richie. Poor Richie who came to town under false pretenses (like so many others in Pine Valley), terrorized Annie, lied to everyone about everything, stole JR's car, slammed into Zach, took injured Zach somewhere else and tossed him out of the car injuring him further, took off and then came back to find him to make sure he dies only to find that he was stuck in a hole with Greenlee so he covered the hole up and hid it under some leaves. That Richie, what a guy! Make no mistake people, Richie is evil.... always has been. I knew he was really the crazy one, not Annie, the minute that Richie flashed that maniacal smile of his. Oh is that creepy! OK sure, Richie did get pneumonia while he was traipsing around the woods trying to make sure that Zach didn't survive, but that's hardly reason to cut him slack is it? Dude is psycho, plain and simple and he's conning Babe so simply and so easily. Isn't that sad too? Babe who has had so much practice being around a homicidal maniac can't spot another one staring her right in the eye. Poor delusional Babe.

Over at the asylum where Janet is living out her days, Amanda discovers that while she's lucid and sane (sane for Janet that is), her new meds give her short term memory loss. She didn't remember that Amanda was no longer with Jamie and was not too pleased to hear that she had taken up with JR, even though it is now over. Janet manages to deliver a potential LINE OF THE WEEK though, when Amanda tells her her many troubles with her men and Janet says, "I think your problem is alphabetical. It's the J's -- Jonathan, Jamie, JR I think you should change letters. Try C. Christopher, Charles, Caleb. Don't you know any C's?" Even in her loopy yet sane state Janet speaks the truth. But poor Amanda, as soon as she spills all her guts, Janet looks up, sees her and thanks her for coming, having completely forgotten Amanda's gut spilling. She tries to get Janet to focus, but Janet knows that this is a side affect of her meds and just takes it all in stride. I wonder if somehow, someway Janet will remember that JR hurt her Amanda though. Somehow I think that fact will come back to haunt them all. Call it a hunch.

And back at The Comeback, for some unknown reason, Joe decides that the holiday is the perfect time to tell Jack that Erica had Mary's signature forged onto documents to have Greenlee involuntarily committed. I'm still wondering how Joe knew this information in the first place! We saw him confront Erica with this knowledge and warn her that she had better come clean to Jack or he would tell him. I'm having a hard time with Joe on this one. Sure, Jack should know but is it Joe's place to tell him? How is any of this Joe's business? And again I ask, how did he even find out? Are we just supposed to overlook the fact that there is no way possible that Joe could have found out that no only did Erica forge Mary's signature but that Adam helped her with this plan?? Joe, I love ya, but this just has to be... Joe Martin, you get this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED AWARD for this bit of buttinskiness.

Back in the hole, Zach is in and out of consciousness and Greenlee keeps trying to keep him awake by wiping his brow and then gives him so aspirin she found. Ahhh those little details that writers never seem to care about but we fans pick up on. Zach seemed to think that the bomb shelter hadn't been used since the 60's, but they miraculously had a flashlight that worked, aspirin that wasn't expired, and food and water that wasn't riddled with salmonella. OK I'm trying not get hung up on that stuff... it's hard, but I'm trying. I even explained away the potty issue to myself. See, since this shelter was built as a refuge from a war, there must be a bathroom in it. It may not work, and it may be pretty stinky down there, but no stinkier than Madden in a Box for weeks on end!

After a particularly freaky bout with claustrophobia where Zach kissed Greenlee so she'd forget her fear, Greenlee, more fearful than ever after kissing the enemy decides she has to get the hell out of that hole, and now! She tries to build a stairway with crates and barrels then tries to scale the wall only to fall back down to the ground. This time it's Zach to the rescue and he tries to sooth her and calm her down by having her visualize somewhere where she feels safe. She visualizes making out with Aidan. Yeah, that would rank as one of my happy places too. Aidan... yum.

But it's soon back to Greenlee as nursemaid to Zach when he passes out again and starts babbling about the light. Afraid that Zach is going to die and leave her in a hole with a corpse, Greenlee does whatever she can do to get Zach coherent again and unfortunately that ends up being that she pretends to be Kendall. Then again, it soon becomes apparent to Greenlee that if she plays Kendall she can find out what they were up to all along so, as Kendall, Greenlee asks Zach what they are going to do about Greenlee. Zach tells FauxKendall that Greenlee got exactly what she deserved and he would do it all over again. Nice Zach... the woman saved your ass, sewed up your head and you're still dissin her whenever possible. Greenlee is furious but continues to play Kendall and tells Zach that she (Kendall... I know, it's difficult but try and keep up with me here) misses her best friend and that they should be grateful to Greenlee because she saved his life. Greenlee continues her assault on Zach that I call "The Wonder of Greenlee" until he wakes up and realizes that it's actually her. He tells Greenlee who he now realizes is actually Greenlee, that Kendall wanted to confess in court, but he wouldn't let her. You can just see Greenlee's hatred of Zach boiling over. And suddenly, Zach spots a ladder and the two of them are forced to work together once again to try and free themselves. To no avail of course.

Erica barges into Jack's house and wants to know why he didn't come to Thanksgiving dinner. Jack blows Erica off and said he never said he would be there. He keeps trying to brush past her but Erica is relentless. So since she won't leave well enough alone, Jack confronts her with her attempt to have Greenlee committed. Erica, of course, tries to justify her actions with a few hair tosses and some eyelash batting tossed in for good measure, but Jack is having none of it. He tells her that they are over, but La Kane of course, does not believe him. You don't just end things with Erica Kane dammit! And then she pulls out the big guns... she tells him that Jack needs to forgive her, that she still loves him and that they should get married again. Say huh!? Married!? What is she, on glue!? She just tried to have his daughter forcibly committed and she thinks he's going to sweep her up in his arms, say yes and they will just return to bliss? Well yes... she does. Why? Because she's Erica. **Brilliant Use of History Alert*** Jack tells Erica that he is not Mona with an endless supply of love and forgiveness and that he has reached his limit. Oh that had to hurt! But wait! He's not done yet. Jack keeps going and tells Erica that she is far to self involved to love anyone but herself. And slamming home his final blow, Jack tells Erica that he no longer loves her and walks out the door. Erica is left there, alone, to pick her jaw up off the floor. Can you believe it was only a year ago at this time that Jack was sending her 12 drummers drumming, 11 pipers piping, 10 lords a leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a' milking, 7 swans a' swimming, 6 geese a' laying, 5 golden rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree! What a difference a year makes. What a lie that "our kids will never come between us again" pact was. What annihilation of a once a great couple. 20+ years of courtship, a beautiful wedding and less than two years of marriage. So my question to you is... are Jack and Erica over for good?

Are Jack and Erica over for good?


Erica immediately starts to scheme her way back into Jack's life and calls Lily to come to the studio to see her. She decides to put Zach and Greenlee's photos on television during New Beginnings and plead for help in finding them. Erica's world dictates that Jack will be so grateful that she is trying to help that he will swoop her up into his arms, tell her he loves her and all will be right with the world again. Erica's world is a bit delusional. Jack is furious at her for this stunt and tells her that she just succeeded in making Greenlee a bigger target. Erica utters THE MOST ABSURD LINE OF THE WEEK when she asks Jack, "Why do you always think the worst of me?" Erica honey, let me answer that for Jack... because you make it so darn easy! Erica pleads with Jack and tells him she wishes she had never tried to have Greenlee committed. Let's explore this for a moment shall we? What is the thought process here for Erica? "I'll have Greenlee committed and Jack will be so grateful that I got his shrew of a daughter out of his hair that he will swoop me up in his arms, take me to bed and al will be right with the world." I'm ascared to admit it, but I think that might be the thought process. She clearly wasn't thinking what she should have been thinking, "If I have Greenlee committed under false pretenses, Jack will have her out in a matter of hours and never ever forgive me." Jack does what anyone would do in his shoes... he once again tells her they are over and that he does not love her anymore.

Back at the hospital, Joe has called Babe, at Richie's request, to let her know that Richie has been brought in with pneumonia. Babe and Annie rush to the hospital to see him, with Babe going in first. Richie, still playing the misunderstood good guy, tells Babe that he was out in the woods trying to find Zach. Babe is confused since Richie doesn't even know Zach, but Richie is laying it on thick and tells Babe that he knows he has a wife and kids who are worried about him. I'm about to hurl at that comment, but Babe gives him the sympathetic head tilt, the nod and the "awww you're such a misunderstood good guy" look. Oh Babe, you're so stupid.

When it's Annie's turn to see Richie, of course his whole demeanor changes, yet he's still conning. He tells Annie that he wants to confess to everything he's done and tells her that he has no regrets. He tells Annie that he doesn't deserve forgiveness but instead he wants to end his own suffering and gives Annie a vial of liquid. He wants her to give it to him and end his miserable life. He tells her he doesn't want to fight anymore. Annie contemplates it. She is holding the vial close to Richie and actually thinks about ending his life. But at the last minute she instead dumps the liquid down the drain, tosses the vial in the trash and tells him she can't do it. Just then Ryan and Babe come into the room and Annie tells them what just happened. Babe, of course, doesn't believe Annie. Babe, snap out of it you loser!!! But Annie tells Ryan where the vial is, then tells Joe what happened. Babe starts to wonder if they might be telling the truth about the drug if they are telling Joe. No duh Babe? Sheesh. Joe gets a psych consult for Richie and Babe gets angry and calls him a coward for giving up. Babe lashes out at Richie for all the crap he said about wanting to spend time with her while he still can. She urges him to continue fighting. Little does she know that Richie is just ticked that his little plan to have Annie kill him didn't work. Didn't the Babe we know grow out of most of her naivety? Why the backslide? Oh I know, I know, it's for "storyline reasons" but that doesn't make it plausible. Babe knows Annie and Ryan, she doesn't know Richie. Yet she continually takes Richie's side on everything. It's quite sickening really. I can't wait for her to find out how stupid she really is. Which leads me Babe receiving the DUMBASS OF THE WEEK award. It was hard to narrow such an award down to one person, but Babe is my choice this week.

Later Babe lifts Richie's spirits when she informs him that JR has been arrested for the hit and run on Zach. But now Ryan's suspicions are growing because he spots Richie's prison shrink at the hospital to see him. What could he be doing there?

This weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK happens when Walter comes to the hospital to see Richie. It is there that he meets Emma for the first time. Little Emma is about the cutest thing ever and when she meets her Grandpa for the first time, this is what happens. She spots Walter sitting in the waiting room, looking sad and goes to him. She says to Annie, "Do you know the sad man, Mommy?" Annie replies, "Uh -- yeah, sweetheart. Um -- this is Uncle Richie's daddy." Emma answers, "Then he's your daddy, too." Annie says, "That's right, sweetie." And a very happy Emma says, "Then you're my grandpa." Annie responds, "That's right, sweetheart. This is your grandfather, Walter Novak. Dad, this is my daughter, Emma." Walter smiles and says, "My granddaughter." And Emma says with a smile, "I always wanted a grandpa." Say it with me... AWWW!

While searching the woods for Greenlee, Aidan happens upon a house in the middle of the woods, in the middle of nowhere. Gee, it looks like a creepy recluse probably lives here. And he does, by the name of Sylvester. Sylvester is kind of a twitchy guy and Aidan breaking in on him doesn't really make him any less twitchy. Special Ops questions him about seeing Greenlee, but Sylvester gives this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK, when he says to Aidan a line I have often muttered myself, "I don't like people much." I feel you Sylvester. Aidan then locks Sylvester in his own closet and ransacks the dude's home, conveniently missing the blueprint of the grounds that was sitting there.

Aidan goes to Tad and gives him the information he's gathered so far. And suddenly, miraculously, Tad figures it all out telling Aidan that Greenlee probably stumbled onto Zach while she was on running, probably even tripped over him and they are now lost somewhere together. Tad and Aidan then go back to my man Sylvester's house and basically buy him off, offering him a large sum of money to leave his home and never come back. Odd crime solving technique don't you think?

JR, JR, JR.... the one time he actually decides to take responsibility for a crime, he didn't even commit it! Isn't that ironic. Richie has framed JR for the hit and run on Zach and since JR was drowning his sorrows in a bottle of scotch, he doesn't remember that it wasn't him. But Derek has found his car (in true JR form, he did try to get rid of his car/evidence) and found that there was blood on the passenger side seat that matched the blood found at the scene and matches Zach's blood type. This information sends Kendall into a frenzy and she tries to go after JR, but Derek and Ryan are able to stop her. She's already obstructed justice once by taking the photo she found of Babe, Little A and JR under Zach's tire. It seems Kendall often uses the same thought process that Erica does, which is NO thought process.

Meanwhile, Adam, who so proudly exclaimed his pride in JR being a year sober, finds JR boozing it up in some bar. JR is wiggin. He knows he's going down for Zach's murder and for some reason he isn't asking Adam to phone in a favor to the governor or pay off a judge. He's just wiggin. Of course, Adam remains in character and tells him that he will make it go away and when they are at the station being questioned by Derek, Adam blatantly lies and says that JR was with him. JR though, decides to the tell the truth and tells Derek he does not remember where was and that he blacked out. JR is arrested. Once he's in the clink, it's a parade of visitors starting with Babe. Then Amanda goes to see him. And Ava, who tells JR that she knows he's innocent and that she's going to prove it. And then there's Tad, who tells JR how proud he is of him for owning up and facing responsibility for his actions (how funny is that!? He's tried to kill Bianca, Jamie, Babe and almost killed Kendall and Spike and never got so much as a slap on the wrist. Now he's done nothing and he's in jail... ahhh karma. She's always such a bitch!)

And finally, Kendall decides to channel her aggressions into a book and names it Charm after she receives a gift of a charm bracelet in the mail from Zach. You know what this means right? It means that ABC has two products to hawk. A little advice ABC, quit the gimmicks. No more Celine Dion's, no more jewelry, no more books, no more bull. Concentrate on your characters, your stories, your fans and for goodness sakes, how about a little consistency!

This weeks AMC gets a low C. Generous, I know, but it's the Christmas season and I'm feeling charitable.