The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998



December 13, 1999

Thank you to everyone who sent notes, and flowers and cards while I was dealing with lost of a loved one recently. It means so much to me to be thought of. Thanks again.

Now... down to business. I don't even know what to bitch and moan about first. Eeny meeny miney mo.. Mirror Janet, Tina, Leo, Ryan and Greenlee, where should I go? Tina it is. This is a chick I cannot figure out. She comes out of nowhere, begs Mateo for a job, and then ends up living next door to him in Raquel's condo. So now she's not only his employee, but his tenant and buddy old pal on top of that. She takes every opportunity she can to tell Adrian he's hunkalicious, but when he asks her out, she blows him off. What gives? Is this girl insane!!! As if blowing off Adrian wasn't bad enough, she instead wedges a hairbrush down her drain so she can call up her landlord, Mateo for those of you not paying attention, to come and unclog her sink. And in yet another calculated Tina move, she not only dressed herself up, but also made a big old pot of chalupa's. Anyone else waiting for someone, anyone to come in and say... "drop the chalupa!" Now, I wouldn't be me if I didn't have a theory, so here it is... Tina knows Hayley somehow and has the old vendetta thing happening. Oh yes this is boring, this overused, but this is oh so AMC. Tina tends to give Hayley the evil eye any chance she can get, which is what got me thinking this in the first place. Ahh yes, she's so jealous of Hayley, hates her even so she wants everything she had... SOS, Mateo, the condo. Sound familiar? It should, this was exactly what the deal was with Tanner, only now we've got a Hayley hater. But why doesn't Hayley know her? An interesting question and one I don't have an answer for. Eh, I'm just guessing anyway... nothing concrete here.

Next we have Leo, he's kind of smarmy. This guy reminds me of John Tesh... tall, blonde and a real snore. He has a penchant for leather pants and seems to be stalking the fair Becca. She's his uh, what would you call it? Guardian angel? She helped him when he was all drugged up by Palmer's henchmen. She helped him save Nessie from the lamest gunman in history. So now, he's indebted to her, and to repay her, he wants to go where no man has gone before... in her pants. I wonder what Leo, jetsetting man about town, will think when he finds out the lovely Ms. Tyree is uh... virtuous, shall we say? I suspect he will be intrigued and set out to be the man to deflower the young lass. But I'm getting ahead of myself. For some reason Becca and Scott seem to be getting along better now, and Scott mentions how glad he is that she got over his humping Greenlee, or whatever it was he said. But, while at the police station for questioning, they run into Leo who is obviously smitten with Becca and questions Scott about her. Scott, looking like a big jealous idiot, doesn't say much. Gee Scott, doesn't feel too good when the shoe is on the other foot does it? I wonder if he'll be able to get over the Leo hump.

Later, at Tad and Dixie's... a very excited Becca tells Scott that she's going home to see her parents for Christmas. Scott, being the big dopey dufus tries to talk her out of seeing her own family for the holidays because selfishly, he would rather have her spend it with him. I felt like slapping him then, but I need to save it for someone else. Anyway, Leo shows up with a thank you gift for Becca, some lovely earrings that she won't accept, and a dinner invitation that she turns down. Leo is ever so slightly put off, but he has no intentions of giving up. So he heads to the hospital to see his shot up step daddy. Having told Nessie that the bullet that PC got was really supposed to be for her, Nessie is going to milk this for all it's worth and suggests to that Palmer make Leo his protege and hire him at Cortlandt Electronics. PC is none too pleased, but when Derek comes in to question them, Vanessa makes up a big story about a former lover who's been stalking her. Nessie huffs, and she puffs and she blowwwwws Derek away with her big story. A very grateful PC thanks her and gives Leo a job. Later, Derek comes back again and tells them the case has been moved to the "unsolved" file and that is that.

Meanwhile, Nessie gets in Erica's face about telling anyone and everyone that she hired a hitman to kill Palmer. And David decides to go to London to dig up some dirt on Leo.

Tramplee comes on to Ryan at work, telling him that her grandparents are away and they can have the house to themselves. She's a scamp, a tramp and a bit of a camp... she's a V*A*M*P... vamp. (2 points to whoever gets that reference!) So, at Snooticent's mansion, Ryan and Tramplee get down and dirty and speak in the some of the worst cliches I've ever heard. But for the mere fact that it got past the censors, I'm giving Tramplee this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK, when, clad only in a slinky nightie and smile, she said to Ryan... "I've been told I have a knack for making things grow." I don't think she was talking about the begonias. And for being a total whore and jumping into the sack with the next warm body, the I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award goes to Ryan.

That brings us to Mirror Janet. I have to admit, the first time we saw a glimpse of that black wig and glasses in the mirror last week, I jumped out of my seat and cheered. But, now that I've had time to absorb it all, I'm not so sure that cheering is in order. Don't get me wrong, Mirror Janet was one of my all time favorite storylines. I loved it, and it really gave Robin Mattson opportunity to shine. But not much about this storyline makes sense. I think my main problem with it is that it could all be so easily ended if Janet would just tell Trevor the truth. Sure, it would be painful to admit that she was going to bomb the church where he was to marry Laurel, but that was a lifetime ago and, as she says so often, she's a different person now. Would Trevor be so unforgiving about another misdeed from Janet's past? Come on! He forgave her putting his wife in a well and pretending to be her, he forgave her murdering someone, he forgave her stalking his family and almost duping him into marrying her under false pretenses. He wouldn't forgive setting up a bomb that never went off? Not only that, but after all that, Trevor still seems totally oblivious to Janet's very obvious nervousness. And when Erica tells him that Janet asked her for $50,000 Trevor seems to be putting it all together because she asked him for the same amount. Instead, when he gets home, he tells Janet that Erica must have not heard her correctly and thinks that she asked Erica for $50,000. Duh. And poor Janet... she asked Mateo for the money, no dice. She asked Erica for the money, and she gave her significantly less. Brooke stops by and Janet tries to talk to her, but she was in a hurry and had to get to a meeting. She goes to talk to Opal and she's too busy so she gives Janet the brush off. She just can't seem to get a break. And if that isn't bad enough, Sophie, who has some serious Chapstick addiction, keeps hovering around and threatening bodily harm on Amanda and tells Janet that if anything happens to her, she has people in place who will come and take care of Amanda. All the while, Mirror Janet taunts Janet. It's enough to make anyone flip their wig really.

Dr. Jake has yet another specialty to add to his resume, speech therapist. Every extra moment he gets, he's in Gilly's room showing her flashcards. There was the runner and the skier, Gilly got both of those right. But when he showed her the next picture and kept saying... "Hay.. Hay" Jake corrected her saying that it was in fact Gillian wearing a blonde wig. I'm sorry, I'm going to have to agree with Gilly on this one... she was right, that was a picture of Hayley (it was a stick figure with blonde hair, in case you don't remember). Jake tells Gillian that he's going to Tad's that evening, but he's going to stop by with Colby and Liza before he goes. Panic goes over Gillian, but Jake is oblivious to it.

So, Liza shows up at the hospital with Colby. She wants to talk to Gilly anyway because she needs to tell her that she now knows the truth too. Which in fact, reminds that David paid Gilly a private visit before Jake and Liza got back, and told her that he will not tell Jake the truth, and not to worry about it. So before Liza and Jake go into Gilly's room, Jake confesses that he's falling in love with Gillian. Liza is a bundle of nerves while in Gillian's room, but still... she goes back after Jake gets called away. In this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK we have a very emotional Liza talking to an equally emotional and still unable to talk, Gillian. There is so much understanding, emotion, caring and mutual protection of Jake going on between these two women. It's a very moving scene, especially when you consider how Liza really can't stand Gillian. But that didn't matter anymore. The two women came together and Liza promised her that she would not tell Jake the truth. Both women were outstanding in this scene.

Back at home, after telling Adam numerous times that she hates him, she decides to let him out of the safe room if he can agree to a few things... 50% split of all property, Liza would get full custody of Colby, and he would never reveal to anyone that he is really Colby's father. Adam agrees, and Liza almost opens the door then realizes that he is lying. Adam seems to think that either Gillian or David will tell Jake anyway, but Liza has that all taken care of. She then tells Adam that she will go to the police if he doesn't agree. Just then, Stuart sees the open door and sees Adam in the safe room. Liza and Marian explain why he's in there and then they leave Stuart alone with Adam. Stuart is so disappointed in Adam and tells him that he cannot run people lives. Adam laughs his self important laugh and tries to manipulate Stuart into opening the door and letting him out. But alas, Stuart is on to Adam, on to his tricks. He isn't going to let him out, in fact he's going to continue to pretend to be Adam and some good with all of Adam's money. David Canary is so incredible. I was just fascinated watching Stuart and Adam argue. He is so amazing. And gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award.

So, first up... Rae and Tad. They have been waiting and waiting to see Adam all day. Tad wants to pitch a new TV Show idea to him. He knows, or so he thinks, that Adam will turn him down, so they are really only using it as a way to try and get some information about Rae's husband Daniel. Let me interject here for a minute... WHY?? You know, every time I hear Rae mention Daniel I just scream... WHO CARES at my TV. Maybe this is some big deal on One Life to Live, but it means zilch to me. Why do we have to keep hearing about this dude? Who is he, why should I care, and when is her 6 weeks up anyway! Phew, ok. So they pitch the idea to "Adam" and he agrees and writes Tad a check for $5 mil to get the project underway. It's at this point that Tad realizes that it's really Stuart, not Adam. Well... it may just get interesting!

Well... that's it. All and all, a pretty lame week. I'd give it an 8 on the boring scale. And a D+ grade.