The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


August 8, 2000

This week started out on a sour note. First scene of the first day of the week was Dixie giving David some major 'tude because she can't seem to mind her own damn business. What is with her anyway? I know I ask that same question every week, but I still don't understand it. What business is it of hers if Dimitri doesn't want anyone to know he's alive? Why does any of this concern her? And why is she acting like it's some major lie she's keeping from Tad? This is not your garden variety lie. It's not like she's done something that involves him or their family and is keeping it from him. She's keeping a secret that she shouldn't know about anyway. She acts like it's the biggest deal in the world with the... "thanks to you I've lied to my husband, again!" Oh bite me honey. I'm so sick of her and her whiny snivelly self-righteous crap. Why doesn't she concentrate on her own life instead of trying to run everyone else's? David finally said what I had been thinking... if you can't handle it, then just quit. Unfortunately she has decided that she should stay. And tells David that he has to cure Dimitri so he can go home to his family.

Later we see that Dimitri is in a hospital bed at Pine Valley Hospital but no one knows this. Please AMC, don't insult my intelligence here. Not only is he in a room, but it's the room right across from David and Alex's office. And how is that admitting doesn't know about it, let alone Chief of Staff, Joe Martin? How do you just put someone as high profile as Dimitri into a hospital bed, with absolutely no disguise at all, without anyone ever knowing. He's not in a quarantined room, so wouldn't the floor nurse pay him a few visits a day at least? Details people, details! He's just laying there as casual as can be, not a care in the world (other than his deadly disease of course) and not the least bit concerned that Alex might see him, or drop by to see the mystery patient in the room across the hall. Whatever.

After consulting Alex, she and David realize that they are making progress with Patient X using David's hormone therapy, the Hayward Hormone. Hey why wouldn't he name something that he discovered after himself... everyone else does. Anyway, at the same time, Dimitri realizes that David's been consulting Alex on his case and isn't at all thrilled about it. So as Alex is watching Dimitri's monitors on her computer screen (gee David, how did you manage that without anyone knowing!) she sees that Patient X has flat lined. But what really happened is that Dimitri pulled off all the monitors so that when David comes into the office he could attack him, and he did. Dimitri confronts David about bringing Alex in on the case. Honestly this was a little short sighted on Dimitri's part. Of course it's obvious that David didn't tell her it's really Dimitri or she would have walked across the hall to see him already. And who better to consult on the case than Alex who is so familiar with it already. She believes that Dimitri is dead so why on earth would she ever even consider that Patient X is really Dimitri? She wouldn't, so take a(nother) pill Dimitri.

All the while Dixie, who doesn't want to keep this big secret, does her damndest to keep Alex out of Dimitri's room when they hear that there is an argument going on in there. Funny thing about it is, that if Dixie's delicate sensibilities are being abused by having to keep this secret, maybe she shouldn't try so hard to keep it. But then I guess she'd be breaking a promise. What a double-edged sword for poor St. Dixie.

So, David calms Dimitri down by telling him that they are making progress and that his hormone therapy is working and Dim's condition is showing some improvement. Dim is taken aback, but then realizes that since David has been treating him his complexion has cleared and the need to shave daily has lessened. Let's just hope that one of the side effects of this hormone therapy isn't a new pair of breasts for Dimitri.

In the meantime, Erica is frantically trying to reach David to meet her and Bianca at SOS. Erica seems to keep forgetting that David is a doctor and thinks he can drop everything to accommodate her every whim. It's a little unnerving. I like David and Erica together, don't get me wrong, but Erica has become the biggest brat on the planet! I can hear you out there saying... "becoming!?" Yeah, I know she's always been a brat, but this is ridiculous! I think even someone as self involved as Erica should be able to respect a doctor's work (especially David since he did save her life!) and understand patient confidentiality. But she doesn't and proceeds to put in a life or death phone call to David since he's ignored all her other messages. When David finally does return the call, he's very cold and very annoyed, asking her what she wants. Suddenly she wants to spend time with him after she said that she and Bianca need time alone together and she won't have time for him. But it's when Erica hears Alex's voice in the background that her claws come out. For some reason Erica is jealous of Alex and can't understand why David would be anywhere near her. Maybe the fact that they share an office has something to do with it? Nope, too logical for La Kane. So she gets in a snit and asks David if that was Alex she just heard. David deadpans a potential line of the week in reply, "Yes it was. As a matter of fact, we just had passionate sex here on my desk." Erica is not amused.

Out in the hall, Dim is wandering around for some reason. Maybe to go to David's office, but again I must wonder how he can walk the halls and not be seen. It's amazing. When he sees Alex out in the hall talking to herself, he stands back so he can eavesdrop on this conversation she is having with herself. She tells no one in particular that she let Dimitri die. Her guilt is getting the better of her because David has come up with a cure and she was too stubborn to turn to him for help when Dimitri was still alive. Alive the first time, er maybe the second time. Oh who knows! Dim backs off and goes to his room, upset that Alex thinks she killed him.

David happens upon Alex and tries to comfort her. While Dixie seizes this opportunity to yet again preach to Dimitri about how Alex should know that he's alive. Having just seen how broken Alex is by thinking she's responsible for Dimitri's death, Dixie capitalizes on this to play upon Dimitri's own guilt at not telling her he's alive. Finally, Dimitri gets angry and tells her to shut the hell up already and that she's driving him crazy. It's about damn time Dim, but why the heck didn't you smack her one!? But then Dimitri has a change of heart, decides to fight for his life so he can be with Alex and then, much to my horror, he thanks Dixie for helping him see that he wants to live. Blech!

David takes Alex for a walk so she can get her bearings. As they talk, David tells Alex that he thinks she's still in love with Dimitri. But Alex doesn't think so, she's moved on. We'll see about that, pretty soon probably. Anyway, as they sit in the park and talk, they are both struck by how far they have come and how civil they can be with each other. That is until Erica finds them there and goes off on her "you're having an affair" rampage. Alex laughs at the absurdity, but David isn't at all amused. In fact, he's so annoyed with Erica that he refuses to leave with her and explain what he is doing with Alex. Erica leaves in a huff and now Alex is suspicious of him again.

This whole Eliot thing is really working my nerves. I had so hoped that AMC was smarter than to make him the man (Josh Walenski) that killed Brooke and Tom's daughter Laura in a drunk driving accident. But the more I watch and the more hints that are thrown out, the more it looks like it will be him. I'm holding on to a little bit of hope that TPTB change their minds before it's too late, but I think it's already too late. But first, let's talk about the only interesting part I find about this whole thing, Arlene, of course. Arlene is no dummy and when Eliot confronts her at the Valley Inn bar about drinking so early in the morning, Arlene is so not in the mood. She tells him that he's deceiving everyone and she knows it. He is definitely caught off guard but doesn't let on. Arlene further goes on to say that he's trying to save her because Brooke tried and failed. She figures that if Eliot can get through to her then he'll look like a hero in Brooke's eyes. Eliot tries to deny it, but she tells him that he's worse than a cop the way he follows her around and watches her, and can even sense how much guilt he is carrying around. Ouch, Eliot wasn't expecting that and it makes him very nervous. See, Josh Walenski was a cop. Ahh that Arlene, she's more perceptive than she gets credit for. Like I said, she's the only thing I find interesting in this whole mess. I hope she is the one to finally expose him.

After that run in with Arlene, Eliot is so frazzled that he calls Brooke and tells her he wants to see her immediately. Brooke is at Tempo with Edmund, who for some reason, has brought Maddie to the office. I have to say that the little girl who plays Maddie is just so adorable. While in Brooke's office she's jumping up and down on Edmund's lap and grabbing handfuls of his chest hair. Out of the mouths of babes, Maddie gets this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when she says to Edmund, "Your hair is prickly." Anyway, Edmund had just asked Brooke about Eliot when his urgent call came and she races out to go see him.

Eliot has decided he wants to come clean with Brooke. When she gets to the church, he's praying. When they start to talk, Eliot reveals that he was not a prison chaplain as he told Jack he was, but he was actually a prisoner. Brooke tells Eliot that since she didn't know him before, she doesn't know what he was like. But she knows him now and thinks he's a good man. OK... let's stop here and discuss where this is going. I know a lot of you (myself included) immediately thought Eliot was Josh at the first indication of something from his past was not right. Honestly I think this is a terrible idea and hoped that AMC would be smarter than this. First of all, this guy is supposedly reformed and now a man of the cloth. So then he should have come clean with Brooke immediately. This hiding his identity thing is totally unforgivable in my book. He's letting Brooke fall in love with him under false pretenses. He's no better than Jim Thomasson in that respect. Second of all, Brooke knew this Josh guy back then when he killed Laura. He wasn't a stranger. So unless he's had the Janet Green Miracle Makeover, I can't see how she would ever forget the man who has killed her daughter. Especially considering how much she is still grieving for Laura. And besides all this, I think it's a really horrible thing to do to Brooke. I could accept it more if maybe Eliot was involved somehow, but not the actual guy. But the more we see of him, the more it looks like he will be Josh. And that just plain sucks.

Anyway, just as he's about to tell all to Brooke, she gets an urgent call from Jamie's camp to tell her he has been hit in the head with a bat during a softball game. Brooke panics and wants to get to the hospital where Jamie is being taken as soon as possible. Since the camp counselor didn't give her all the details, Eliot steps in and, having committed the camp phone number to memory somehow, calls the director of the camp and asks for more details on Jamie's condition. Once Brooke hangs up with the camp director, Eliot tells her he will drive her to the camp himself since she is not in any condition in her panicked state, to drive herself. On the way, the car gets a flat and Brooke goes into hysterics because she's not there for Jamie. She wanders off into the street to call the hospital to get an update on Jamie's condition when suddenly Eliot races into the street and pulls her out of the path of an oncoming truck, saving her life. Well there you have it, he may have killed her daughter but he saved her so she has to forgive him. *groan* Once they get to the hospital, the doctor tells them that Jamie will be fine, he just has a bump on the head. Jamie tells her that he's big enough to stay in the hospital himself and he wants to go back to camp, so Brooke and Eliot go home. Brooke thanks Eliot for keeping her (barely) sane. Eliot goes back to the church full of guilt, to pray for the courage to come clean.

Over at Erica's, Bianca is getting herself acclimated to being around her whacko mother again when Leo appears and startles her. Leo explains who he is and why he's there, casually mentioning how he was up on murder charges but his mother really was the killer. It was all so nonchalant, I loved it. As they bond over a box of Cocoa Dots cereal, you can tell that Bianca is immediately smitten with Leo. Not a big shock really, 16 year old girls are easily smitten and this 34 year old gal would be smitten if a strapping young man like Leo walked into my living room wearing a robe and smile too!

Enter Tramplee. Leo asked her to come over so he could confront her on creating the website. After Becca accused him, Tramplee was the only one he could come up with who would do such a thing. So, armed with only the knowledge that he didn't do it, he rips into Tramplee and accuses her of sabotaging his progress with Becca. Tramplee is confused, having never heard of the website until now and denies she had anything to do with it, but Leo doesn't believe her. Tramplee is really hurt by Leo's accusation and says she would never stoop so low and she is his friend. Leo isn't buying any of it. Tramplee even begs Leo to believe her and tells him that he's her best friend. Leo tells her that her friendship is lethal. Tramplee has had enough so she storms out, telling Leo he's off the hook and no longer her friend.

Strap on your seat belts folks, here comes our SCENE OF THE WEEK! After her confrontation with Leo, Tramplee gets an idea about who might have set her up and goes after Becca with a vengeance. Tramplee dives on Becca screaming about how she turned Leo against her. There was hair pulling, name calling and rolling around on the floor. Ahh I love a good cat fight! Hayley and Leo step in and break it up. Hayley is suddenly acting like a total diva and reprimands everyone for messing up her set.

Becca and Greenlee finally discuss what the fight was about... Tramplee thought that Becca accused her creating the site and that was why Leo accused her. Becca tells her that she did not accuse her at all, but she did accuse Leo. Tramplee has had enough of this nonsense and leaves Becca and Leo to figure it all out, but assures them both she had nothing to do with it. Becca thinks that Leo is just trying to shift the blame from himself. Leo tells Becca to take another look at the site and see all the betting statistics and stuff. Leo tells Becca that he doesn't have the math smarts to do all that and she, of all people, should know that then leaves. Becca is suddenly wracked with guilt.

MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK - Becca goes to Hayley for love advice and Tina goes to Mateo for love advice. The two people who should never give anyone advice on matters of the heart. Oh and Hayley has pink eye. I have no doubt that Kelly Ripa has pink eye in real life, but honestly, it just doesn't matter and has no bearing on any story other than the fact that people keep asking her why she's wearing sunglasses.

Nessie happens upon Becca and Hayley talking and asks Becca to leave them alone so she can talk to Hayley. It seems as though Nessie is hitting up Hayley for a job on Wave. Nessie wants to appeal to the "mature element" to keep Wave fresh and for everyone. As I'm watching Nessie beg Hayley for a job, I suddenly wonder who is running the station now since Liza is so engrossed in ColMar. I guess nobody is, which is why Nessie went to Hayley instead of the station manager for a job. Unfortunately for Nessie, Hayley turns her down.

Nessie finds Becca again and asks her if she's seen Leo, and how he's doing. Becca tells her that he's fine, but he's upset with her right now and doesn't think she'll be seeing him. Nessie is amused by the display of young love and calls Becca on it. Becca denies being in love with Leo, but you can tell she's not so sure. Showing a lot of vulnerability and compassion, Nessie tells Becca that she misses Leo and asks her to look out for him. Nice scene.

Cut over to Tramplee. She's really angry from the whole Leo/Becca debacle and heads over to the loft to see Ryan. He suddenly has bouncers at his office who are told to keep her out. Well, if she was mad before, she's livid now! Ryan comes out of the office and tells Tramplee that she cannot hang out there anymore. Tramplee is so mad that she tells Ryan that he owes his success to her. Ryan is confused and just as Tramplee is about to tell Ryan that she bankrolled him to get him started, Leo shows up and stops her. Ryan goes back into the office when Leo kisses Tramplee to shut her up. He tells her that she's not really in love with Ryan but that he's a challenge for her and she doesn't like to lose. They then make a pact to swear off Ryan and Becca for good. And just as Tramplee is about to leave, Ryan comes back out and thanks her for all her help. Suddenly Tramplee isn't so sure that she can keep her end of the pact.

Later at SOS, Leo and Tramplee put their heads together about the website, and Tramplee suggests that maybe Scott is the culprit. Well duh! The lights go on above Leo's head. As the two plot revenge, Becca goes over to them and apologizes to Leo. Leo tells her that they've figured out it was Scott and need her help to nail him. Becca is reluctant, but eventually agrees.

Oh this is getting good. Leo and Becca go over to the loft to see Scott and tell them that they are in love. Becca goes along with everything that Leo says as he tells Scott that the website brought them together. Scott freaks. He can't believe what he's hearing. He then says that Leo didn't create the website and somehow managed to turn it around to his advantage. Oops Scott, you are so busted. Becca asks him how he could do such a thing to her and Scott tells her that he loves her. Becca is saddened by the turn of events and tells Scott that he lost a big part of himself when his father died and he needs to come to terms with it, without her. She says goodbye to Scott and she and Leo leave him there in shock by the turn of events.

Back at SOS, Tramplee is not too pleased to see that Leo and Becca are together and rather cozy. So much for their pact. Ryan is meeting with Midori at SOS and when he goes off to make a call, Tramplee goes over to Midori and tells him that he has to get her back into the business with Ryan or she'll have him fired. Having no choice, Midori tells Ryan that he's very upset that Ms. Smythe is no longer part of the company and it shows very poor judgment on his part. He further tells Ryan that if she's not back he's pulling out, and in turn, Chandler Enterprises will likely pull out too. Feeling pressured but not wanting Tramplee too involved, Ryan gives her stock options.

Becca asks Leo out on an official date then goes over to Tramplee to thank her for helping them nail Scott. Tramplee is less than gracious with Becca and tells her that if she knew that she and Leo would end up going out because of it, she would have never helped them at all. Becca is confused and asks Tramplee what she has against her. Tramplee tells her that Leo needs a woman and she's just not up to it. Then she warns Becca not to hurt Leo.

Over at Chandler Enterprises, Tad is showing the ColMar blueprints to Opal and Marian. Adam is having Barry spy for him, but Tad and Liza are not stupid enough to let Barry in on the plans. This is why, when Barry walked right into the office, over to the plans where Marian is standing, I have to wonder why Tad and Liza just watched him do it and didn't stop him. Whatever. Anyway, Adam's new plan is to have Barry suck up to Marian so he can find out what she knows. So Barry goes over to offer his way way after the fact condolences to Marian and asks her out to lunch. Excuse me but isn't Barry married now? I thought he said he was getting married the last time Adam asked him to suck up to Marian. Anyway, Marian accepts but Opal is suspicious and doesn't trust him. Marian tells Opal that she has to move on with her life.

Oh, and some more MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK... at SOS, Mateo realizes that someone is giving them counterfeit money, so he goes to call the cops. He tells WhinySpice to try and hold him there, but don't do anything stupid. That's like asking Dixie not to nag. WhinySpice decides to flirt with the counterfeiter and he gets wise so he attacks her. Super Mateo comes to the rescue and punches the guy out. Why did we have to see any of this?

Gillian goes to find MyAdrian so she can ask him about Jake. When she finds him at the loft, working for, he immediately tells her that Ryan's not there. Chill out MyAdrian, she wasn't looking for Ryan this time. His attitude really needs an adjustment though. He is really pissy with her and mocks her concern for Jake. I suppose MyAdrian is suffering from a peripheral case of Self Righteous Martinitis. And when Ryan shows up, they both voice their concern for Jake, which MyAdrian totally laughs at, asking them why either of them would care about Jake at all. Well MyAdrian, I hate to do this, but you are getting this weeks DIXIE COONEY MARTIN COMMEMORATIVE SLAP award. Why on earth do you think that they wouldn't care about Jake's well being!? Just because they are back together doesn't mean they want Jake dead for goodness sakes! And good for Gilly when she told him that she does care about Jake! MyAdrian isn't convinced and tells them to wait a little while after he comes back before ripping his heart out. You know, I've talked about this before and I have to say it again...why is everyone so concerned about Jake's feelings?? He didn't give a rat's ass about Gilly's when he left her without even telling her! Ugh, this totally infuriates me!

Later, Gilly gets a call from Joe to meet her at the park to talk. Gilly is worried that he's heard something about Jake, but it's not that. Joe is just tired of being the strong one for everyone, and needed a shoulder to lean on. He chose Gilly's. He commends her on her devotion to Jake and tells her she's become like a daughter to him. Wow Joe, nothing like playing that guilt card huh?

MyAdrian is now over at SOS when Opal shows up and is relieved to see he's OK. She's not at all happy that he went to Chechnya without telling her. MyAdrian, who is teetering on the brink of another DCMC Slap is not at all impressed with Opal's display of motherhood and tells her that he's a big boy and can take care of himself. Opal gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award as she tells him that she's not just Opal, she's his mother and she loves him just as much as she loves Tad and Petey. She cries as she tells him, from the heart, how important he is to her. As she walks off, WhinySpice is shocked by MyAdrian's coldness and tells him how she wishes she had someone like Opal in her life, someone who wants nothing more than to be her mother. She's upset that MyAdrian wasn't as moved by what Opal said as she was. That's all it took, a few words from WhinySpice and suddenly MyAdrian has turned it all around and calls Opal Mama for the first time. Gee, that was easy.

And now, the part I've been dreading. MyAdrian goes over to WhinySpice's condo for a dinner she prepared for him. He should have just turned around and left when she opened the door! What a slob! This is not how you entertain a man in your home honey. She could have hired a maid at least. The place was disgusting. And even more disgusting, they skip the meal and go straight to boink city on her dirty clothes covered sofa. Oh I'm going to be sick! No wonder it's this weeks MOST VOMIT INDUCING SCENE. And if all this weren't bad enough, after she gets to be horizontal with MyAdrian, they profess their love to each other. Oh give me strength! I can't believe that MyAdrian would fall for such a flake! I have to go now, I need to put a cold compress on my forehead.

This weeks AMC gets a big fat F! How dare you have MyAdrian and WhinySpice fall in love with each other!! BLECH! Well, maybe that's a little harsh. There was some good stuff with Opal, and the catfight was loads of fun. Let's move it up to a C- that love scene just made my skin crawl!