The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


August 29, 2000

I'm confused about something. Why was Dimitri leaving the country in the first place, I mean other to manipulate the situation and have Alex see him at the airport. The whole thing just seems very odd to me. He's in the middle of this treatment that is saving his life, and suddenly he leaves Seaview and decides he needs to go to Zurich? I don't get it. He's still presumed dead so it's not like he is going for any business reason. Then he doesn't even just leave, he has to call Warden Dixie and tell her what he's doing. Surprise, she freaks out and tells him that if he leaves, she'll blab. Dimmie just chuckles at her, pats her on the head and says he'll back, he just really needs to get to Zurich immediately. Um, why? And what passport is he using, he's dead and has no ID! Of course, the next thing we know we see Alex and Edmund. Ed is going to Washington DC and conveniently, his flight is sharing the same gate with Dimitri's flight. Yeah, that's possible. Those flights to Switzerland always share the same gate with domestic flights. And speaking of that for a minute... Pine Valley actually has direct flights to Zurich!? Of course, if they can have an ocean and a deserted island, why not direct international flights.

Of course, Alex thinks she spots the Dimster while Eddie is checking in and now it's her turn to freak out. She goes to the gate attendant and tells him she needs to get on the plane. The attendant was having none of it and when she tried to buy a ticket, she was told that the flight was sold out. Seems it's that time of year again, time for Pine Valleyers to pack their bags and head to Zurich. Well, just then Eddie comes back and sees that Alex is out of sorts. She tells him that she thought she saw Dimitri get on that plane, and she could even smell his lime (lime?) cologne. Eddie morphs into Airport Securty and tells the attendant to stop that plane immediately because they think his dead brother is on it. The attendant, who gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award, told him to get real! This guy was so damn funny and so real. He acted exactly how anyone who works with the public would act when some schlub he doesn't know from a hole in the wall wants him to break the law. Nasty! Why would he stop the plane for Edmund?? But he does crack when Ed bribes him with money to see the passenger list. But Dim's name isn't on there. Hmmm, wonder what alias he's traveling under. Alex realizes that she was mistaken about seeing him, but Edmund is not so sure. It strikes me as very unusual that Alex doesn't seem the least bit confused when Ed thinks Dimitri really was there.

Well, now Edmund has a bee in his bonnet about Dimitri and heads over to David's office for some answers. Ed, who seems to think barging into people's offices is polite, demands to know if Dimitri is still alive. David wants to know what happened to get him so agitated and Ed tells him that Alex thought she saw Dim at the airport. David assures Ed that Dimitri is dead, but when Ed looks to Dixie for the answer, she stands there in stupefied silence. Edmund starts to badger her and David pushes him out of the office so he can talk to his dopey assistant in private. Dixie tries to appeal to David, yet again, to tell the truth, but David can't do it. Dixie says she can't handle it anymore and rushes out without saying anything at all to Edmund, which is what she should have done from the beginning.. shut her mouth. David then brings Ed into his office and shows him Dimitri's death certificate and convinces him that it couldn't have been Dimitri that Alex saw. Just how on earth did David conjure that piece of paper up out of thin air anyway? That was just plain old weird.

In the meantime, at the Valley Inn, Tad and Liza are about to meet with Contractor Frank. For some reason, Liza brought Colby with her to a meeting. Basically it's another example of AMC manipulating a situation this week. Colby is at a meeting basically because Adam is a few tables away with Waifley. So while Waifley is urging Adam to go over and see Colby, Liza is having a fantasy about it. I just don't get Liza. After all that has happened how could she still want that guy? At any rate, she does and when Adam goes over to see Colby, she acts all sweet and nice. That is until Tad shows up and she goes into "make Adam jealous" mode. She puts on a little display for Adam, when she touches Tad's hand and asks him if everything is all right. Then she suddenly shifts gears with Adam and tells him to leave. Liza gets the DIXIE COONEY MARTIN COMMEMORATIVE SLAP award this week. Mainly because she's still pining and still denying. Honey, it is time to move on!

After the green-eyed monster comes a calling on Adam, he leaves the table and immediately calls his flunky, Barry. He wants Barry to make sure that Colmar Tower never gets off the ground. I'm not sure how Barry, a lawyer, is going to achieve this, but Adam expects him to so he better find a way! After Barry arrives at the Valley Inn, in record time I might add, he and Adam put their heads together. Isn't it funny how they met in public when they aren't supposed to even be associated with each other anymore? Well, Waifley noticed it and comes over to confront Adam. Waifley gets this week's FASHION DISASTER OF THE WEEK award for those awful gray hip-huggers she was wearing. Someone needs to tell her that one needs hips to wear hip-huggers. So while Waifley and Adam are talking, Arlene spots them and does what all PV residents do at some time or another, eavesdrops. She hears Waifley telling Adam that she never accepted Arlene back in her life and only pretended to because she wanted to be near him. Arlene is so hurt by this and who could blame her. I've said it before, I'll say it again. I know Arlene hasn't been the ideal mother, but if Waifley can forgive all the horrible things Assholeo did to her, why can't she forgive Arlene??

After Adam leaves the table, Arlene confronts Waifley with what she said to Adam. Waifley tells her that she will never let her infect her life again. Of course, Assholeo has to make an appearance at this time and make sure she says it just how he had her rehearse it. Adam comes back and Waifley demands that he tell Arlene that the marriage is over. But Adam takes Arlene by the hand and leaves the Valley Inn. Arlene has that priceless "screw you Waifley" look on her face. Back at Adam's Place, Arlene is so hurt and wants Adam to comfort her, but he's not interested. She decides she needs to be indispensable to Adam in order to win his heart. She heads out to meet with Contractor Frank and tries to get him to tell her some pertinent information about Colmar Tower that she can give Adam.

What was this mess!? Assholeo goes to Adam's Place like he's some big man and tries to intimidate Adam??? Someone tell me this was all a mirage! Assholeo grabs Adam by the collar and actually threatens him!? Oh I can't cope... I honestly can't cope. I need for Adam to get his goons after Assholeo and have him taught the valuable lesson that NO ONE intimidates Adam Chandler, least of all Assholeo! And if Assholeo ends up at the bottom of the PV ocean with cement shoes on, so be it!

Back at the Valley Inn, Dixie has come looking for Tad because she's all wound up about Dimitri again. I find it a bit unusual that Dixie gets her panties in a wad over someone else's problems so much, but that's neither here nor there. She wants to spend some time with Tad and frankly I wish she would. But just then Frank arrives for his meeting with Colby, er I mean Liza and Tad. He tells them that the plans for the Colmar Tower have hit a big snag (by the way, this is before Arlene talked to him). Hearing this news, Tad tells Dixie he can't leave just yet and ever the understanding doormat, Dixie says OK and leaves, heading back to David's office. She walks in only to find David there boozing it up with an expensive bottle of something or other that a grateful patient gave him, complete with fancy snifter. He asks Dixie to join him but since the patient didn't conveniently give David two fancy glasses, Dixie has to drink out of a paper cup.

The next day, Tad comes to David's office to see Dixie. He suddenly gets a raging case of Self Righteous Martinitis when he spots the booze and questions her about her evening. Sure Tad, you can do whatever you want, blow off your wife whenever you damn well please but she can't have a drink with her boss? Oh I'm mad at him, look what he made me do! He made me defend Dixie! Dixie tells Tad that he just doesn't know or see David the way she does. Tad responds with this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when he says, "You mean in broad daylight? Reflected in mirrors? That type of thing?" Dixie somehow mentions how summer is almost over and he'll be leaving Chandler Enterprises soon. The expression on Tad's face just then said it all. He has no intentions of leaving. Dixie picked up on that too and they had the same fight again. Both think their job is most important, both don't want to give them up, both are stubborn. Phew, almost nodded off there at the sheer repetition of it all.

Right after the argument, Tad and Dixie make up and start to make out. And not only are they making out but Dixie has unbuttoned her shirt and is sprawled across Alex's desk with Tad on top of her. What an unusual thing to do in your bosses office. Of course, David walks in and sees them. Flustered, Dixie starts to button up and Tad leaves. Of course, Dixie left two very important buttons unbuttoned, inadvertently of course, but David had a nice view of her ample cleavage and never said a word, just gawked at her. Suddenly David lapses into this fantasy about Dixie. And soon after that I had to cover my eyes and ears because AMC had another wretched music montage. Oh do I hate those things. It's such a blatant time filler. Maybe if they thought out their storylines a little more, we wouldn't have to have these stupid time wasters.

Now, let's back up to another scene that can really only be called a catastrophe. It took place at WRCW and was a surprise by Alex for Edmund. I just didn't get it at all. Alex had Becca, Waifley, and Tiffany lipsynch a song and do a dance, dressed as nurses while Edmund sat and watched. What was that!? It made absolutely no sense. What is the significance of nurses? Does Edmund have a secret fetish we don't know about? The whole thing was perplexing. This was her payback for the whole Shakespeare thing? I totally do not understand, not even one little bit. I think it's best we move on and never speak of this again.

When last we saw Tramplee, Midori was telling her that Ryan has stolen $3 million from Tramplee doesn't want to believe this, but Midori tells her that he won't stand for this. He really puts her in his place as he tells her that his loyalty is with Woody, not her. He goes on to say that she is a spoiled little girl with a crush and he won't sit by and watch Woody get screwed over because of it. Tramplee then rushes to the airport (guess what, she didn't see Dimitri, Edmund or Alex! what a miracle) to pick up Woody. She has all his favorite things, a blatant attempt at sucking up to him. She bats her doe eyes at Gramps and tells him she needs $3 million. Woody flatly refuses to finance her obsession any longer and tells her that, for her own good, she cannot have the money.

Well Tramplee is sure in a pickle now. She needs to be Ryan's savior. He calls her and wants to meet her, so she dumps Gramps and races to BJ's to see him. He tells her he has to go out of town for awhile and needs her to keep an eye on the business. Tramplee tries to talk him out of going, without letting on that she knows he took the money. But Ryan is determined to go and tells her that it's business, but he won't tell her where he's going. Tramplee is somewhat relieved that he's going away for business and agrees to take care of everything while he's gone.

After Ryan leaves, Tramplee sees that smarmy Wade Randall again and approaches him. This guy is really really creepy, but Tramplee tries to charm the smarm into investing in the company. Mr. Smarmy is no dummy and can see the desperate look on her face, the kind of look that says "I need money, fast." He's not taken in by her pitch so she asks him for a loan. As they start to talk details of what kind of collateral she is going to put up, Leo interrupts. Tramplee is so not in the mood for Leo and drags him into the ladies room to tell him to get lost. Leo tries to tell Tramplee that Mr. Smarmy is bad news and that she shouldn't get mixed up with him. She tries to tell Leo why she is doing this and Leo tries to reason with her. Poor Tramplee, she can't see how much Leo cares about her and goes ahead and sells her soul anyway.

The next day at the Valley Inn, Woody asks Tramplee if she knows Wade Randall. Tramplee plays dumb and Gramps tells her that he called his office to try and get a meeting, using Tramplee's name. Tramplee calls Mr. Smarmy and wants to see him immediately. When he shows up, Tramplee chastises him for calling her grandfather and how that wasn't part of the deal. Mr. Smarmy is definitely not intimidated by the likes of Tramplee. Mr. Smarmy explains to Tramplee that she's hardly in a position to make any demands. He knows why she wanted the money and tells her he wants a meeting with Woody. Tramplee suddenly realizes that she is in way over her head and goes to the only person she knows can help her... Leo.

Backing up to when Leo left BJ's after urging Tramplee not to get mixed up with Wade, he headed home, full of rage because of Tramplee's stubbornness and stupidity. Bianca finds him there and tries to calm him down. Well it turns out that Bianca is in cahoots with Becca to set up a romantic evening for her and Leo, so Bianca sends Leo out to go get a pizza. Then Becca comes and she fills the room in candles. Becca is so happy with her little scene. Bianca tells her she's setting the stage for seduction and she had better be prepared for where this all may lead. You know, I like Becca and Bianca as girlfriends. They are close in age and it's refreshing. No one seems to have friends on AMC. Anyway, Bianca makes herself scarce and Leo finds Becca bathed in candlelight. Leo is probably thinking tonight's the night, but Becca actually has other plans. She wants to dance. Leo asks, "dance between the sheets? You got it baby." But Becca means really dance. It seems that SOS, the salsa club, is having a swing dance competition and Becca wants to enter her and Leo in it. Leo is in such a haze of dirty thoughts at the scene Becca set that he'll agree to just about anything and agrees to enter the contest with her.

After agreeing to let Erica throw a party for her, Bianca is still fighting with her about it. This time it's because she had Myrtle bring over a huge assortment of dresses for her to chose from. Bianca isn't interested in having Erica dress her up and parade her around. Myrt tries to put in some words of wisdom about Erica getting back what she gave Mona when the phone rings. It's the Valley Inn and they have already booked a party for the day that Erica wants it. So Erica books it a week later. Bianca objects, saying she'll be back in Seattle by then and in school. Erica doesn't seem to think that school is any big deal and she can miss the first week. Can someone please make Erica an adult!!!!! I can't believe any mother, not even Erica, would think it's OK to skip the first week of school so the kid could attend a party. Geez, this is absurd! And in a scene that is all too common for only being on the show a few weeks, Bianca storms out of the room. Myrtle then asks Erica if she's throwing this party for Bianca, or to help herself get over David. Erica ignores her.

Becca arrives then, to see Bianca, and sees all the dresses. She's all excited and finds one that will be perfect for her for the dance contest. And yet again, the situation is manipulated as Becca starts striping in Erica's living room so she can try on the dress. Of course, Leo walks in and sees Becca standing there in her bra. Becca doesn't seem to mind at all. It's extremely awkward for all involved, including this viewer, when Erica, Bianca and Myrtle come back and see Leo staring at Becca's boobs. Erica sends her up to a bedroom to change.

The dance contest starts with a bunch of unknowns, Leo and Becca, and Tiffany and her partner Craig. I think the only good thing I can say about this is that we've seen more of Tiffany this week. I love her! Before it gets underway, Scott shows up and blatantly and without an ounce of self respect, begs Becca for another chance. Becca sort of forgives him for what he did, but tells him there is no way she can be with him. Scott is heartbroken, but he's stupid and deserves what he got. In a rather cute move, Tiffany sees Scott sitting there alone and dejected and goes to give him a hug.

Erica gets a brainstorm and drags Bianca out of SOS and over to Wildwind. Edmund is thrilled to see her... Bianca I mean. Erica asks him if it would be OK to throw Bianca's party in the ballroom. Edmund tells them that he'd be delighted to have Bianca's party at Wildwind, and if she wants the theme to be "A Midsummer Night's Dream" then all the better because the decorations are still up. Then Eddie tells them that they should ask the new mistress of Wildwind if it's ok too. Erica is not at all pleased to hear that Alex is the new mistress and that she and Eddie are engaged. Alex decides to take Bianca down to see Scorpio so that Ed and Erica can talk. Erica immediately tells Ed that he's making a mistake and that Alex is using him. The cool thing about this scene is that Ed didn't get mad or anything, he just humors her. Erica changes her mind about having the party there and leaves with Bianca. Like the typical teenager she is, Bianca is mortified by her mother's behavior.

Eliot continues to lie to Brooke, telling her he cannot be with her. A heartbroken Brooke begs Eliot to tell her the whole truth, but he won't. Blah blah blah.

MyAdrian is not at all thrilled to hear where Ryan got the money to finance there trip and tells him it's illegal. Ryan tells him that he is giving the Martin's their Incredible Dream.

Knowing that MyAdrian is going back to Chechnya, WhinySpice goes over to the church to pray for his safety. Having had the same idea, Gilly also arrives at the church to pray for Jake's safe return and asks WhinySpice if MyAdrian is going back to Chechnya. Whiny is a bit on the snotty and, to me, seems to be blaming Gillian for MyAdrian going back to get Jake. Then Gilly really freaks out when Whiny tells her that Ryan is going with him.

Gilly heads over to the turret, luckily Dimitri had gone to Zurich or they might have seen each other... phew! Oddly enough, Ryan shows up. Gillian begs Ryan not to go and tells him that he lied to her when he said he wouldn't go. Ryan explains that he has to go so all the lies can end. Jake needs to be home so they can live their lives. I'm not sure if this admirable or selfish. Maybe a little of both. Jake shouldn't control their lives, they should be able to live them without lies and secrets. But Jake has a right to stay there and help the children if he wants to. Either way, just end the madness please! I am tired of Gillian blaming herself for Jake's decisions and I'm tired of everyone blaming Gillian for them too. WhinySpice is blaming her for MyAdrian going back. MyAdrian tells her that Ryan is going because of her. How about everyone get off their respective high horses and put some of the blame where it really belongs... on Jake!

Anyway, Ryan tries to reassure Gilly that he will be back and that he and MyAdrian are very prepared. Ahh the love. It's heartwarming to see two people so in love as Gillian declares that her life begins and ends with Ryan. Ryan explains that he is going to Chechnya, for them. Gillian finally agrees and the two make love. Before he leaves, Ryan promises to come home to Gillian.

At the loft, Ryan and MyAdrian are getting ready to leave when Opal shows up. Ryan makes himself scarce and MyAdrian tries to explain to his mother why he has to go. Opal is so upset but tries to be strong. She's terrified, but she waits until she is outside the door to break down. Opal is sobbing when WhinySpice finds her and starts to cry too. As they both stand there crying and embracing, MyAdrian comes out, sees them and puts his arms around both. I'm not ashamed to say that I shed a few tears myself during this SCENE OF THE WEEK, even though WhinySpice was in it.

Shifting rapidly to the MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK, MyAdrian has filled Whiny's bedroom with flowers. They make love, say their good-byes and Whiny gives him her lucky penny. Yuck! I just cannot stand MyAdrian with her!

Thank goodness this insanity with Stuart seems to actually be shifting gears. Stuart sees the tag "Pine Valley Outfitters" on the back of the vest that Adam left behind and decides that must be where he's from. Why he decides that, I have no idea, must be more manipulation. Anyway, he decides to head to Pine Valley. I wonder if we will ever see Esther, Judd or Marilyn again.

A couple haphazard thoughts...

I like the interesting friendship that Nessie and Arlene are developing, even if it is based on blackmail.

Must we be subjected to seeing Waifley and Assholeo in bed? Seeing them at all is bad enough, but in bed? blech!

This weeks AMC gets a D. Way too much manipulation on the writers part, with no real explanations.