The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


August 23, 1999

Assholeo. The man is on my last nerve. Scratch that, he's beyond my last nerve! Let's start with his return from Texas. He decided in his pea-sized brain that he would make up with Hayley. So he arrives at SOS and sees her there. She's there to fix the air conditioning and brought Ryan along because he knows how to fix the darn thing. Assholeo approaches Hayley and is actually civil to her. All the while Hayley's eyeballs are shifting and darting to every corner of the bar to see if Ryan has come out yet, knowing the nice act will quickly end if Assholeo sees Ryan. So Assholeo lays on the charm and flashes her his pearly whites, and even throws out a little sexual innuendo, telling her they need to talk and it may take all night *wink wink* *nudge nudge* Now at this point I'm think that Hayley should tell Assholeo that Ryan is fixing the air conditioner, but instead she continues to look around the bar like she might be close to having a seizure. Sure enough, as soon as Ryan walks out of the back room, Assholeo completely changes his tune and tells Hayley to go to hell, while he goes about the important task of chopping fruit.

Enter Raquel. She tells Assholeo not to make a scene then drags him on the dance floor where he and Raquel do some serious bumping and grinding in a very steamy dance while Hayley watches. Yet again I'm compelled to ask...why does she want this guy back!? Ryan and Gillian see that Hayley is about to lose it and whisk her out of the bar. The minute they are gone, Assholeo peels Raquel off his body and gives her the brush off. Poor Raquel, not even realizing that this "honorable man" that she fell in love with has just used her to make Twiggy jealous. Not taking Assholeo's sudden rejection too well, Raquel tells him she needs a ride home, so Assholeo obliges. Back at the condo, Raquel starts to try and seduce Assholeo. She massages him, talks softly and alluring, and then moves in for the kill with a kiss. Assholeo backs away from her and Raquel is stunned as she realizes that he is still in love with Bony. Assholeo admits that his heart (whatever is left of it) belongs to Lanky. And over at Wildwind, Gillian has asked Skinny to spend the night and Gillian urges her to work things out with Assholeo. I see a little bit of an ulterior motive at work with Gillian.

The next day, Raquel is packing her bags. It seems that AMC decided that in order to ever get Assholeo and Spindly back together, they need to remove the first wife and the son. Now there's a smart move, take Assholeo's demon spawn son away from him. So while Damien is still in Texas visiting with Raquel's parents, she is packing up and moving them out of their brand new condo that Assholeo bought for them. Assholeo comes by with a gift for Damien and sees that she's packing up. She tells him that they are moving in with Angie, who lives not far from Pine Valley. I guess that's how they get around the part about Assholeo not seeing his son anymore. Raquel flat out asks Assholeo if he wants her to stay, but Assholeo isn't about to say yes to that question. So she's fed up, and she's moving on. Can't say as I blame her really, but it's a shame to see her go. First she's a manipulator, then she calms down and is a kinder gentler Raquel, someone who could actually have other storylines because she is actually moving past her obsession with Assholeo. Then suddenly, she's obsessed again and can't take anymore and off she goes to Williamsport.

Gillian arrives and she is stunned, yet somehow thrilled to see Raquel packing up and moving out of town, even though they are friends. Of course it's obvious, Gillian wants Raquel out of the way so that she is no longer in the way of Assholeo and Slim getting back together, which would help her get back with Ryan. So she tells Raquel that she is doing the right thing by moving. They hug and say they will miss each other, but hey Williamsport isn't so far right?

Now Gillian starts working on Assholeo. Out in the linoleum covered courtyard, Gillian stops Assholeo and urges him to go to Scrawny and make up with her. I see Gilly's ulterior motive coming back out again. They get back together, then Gillian won't have to worry about Emaciated stealing Ryan from her. So Gillian tells Assholeo that now that Raquel is out of the way, this is the perfect opportunity to reconcile. Raquel hears this, and instead of making herself known, she hides and listens more. Gillian tells Assholeo that Slinky believes he wants Raquel back, and Assholeo is stunned. Stunned? How could he be stunned!? He led her to believe that his trip to Texas with Raquel and Damien was about more than Damien meeting his grandparents. Then he did that sexy dance and all. So Gilly tells him that Flimsy thinks he wants Raquel and Assholeo tells her that Raquel means nothing to him. Of course, Raquel hears this and runs off.

Gillian continues prodding Assholeo along, and Assholeo remains stubborn. Gillian finally declares, "MEN! Why are you all so damn impossible!" Girlfriend, I've asked myself that question many many times! She keeps going though and tells him that it was only a kiss. Assholeo doesn't believe it, or doesn't want to believe it but he's starting to cave. Gillian tells him that Ryan told her that nothing more happened than a kiss, and she believes him. He finally seems to get it, and heads over to Wildwind.

In the meantime, Raquel is at Wildwind picking up a few of Damien's things that he left behind. Hayley sees her and approaches her. Well well well, Raquel is all piss and vinegar. She's sporting a major 'tude and tells Hayley she's leaving town and that Hayley won. Feeling anything but a winner, Hayley asks her what she means. Raquel says she's tired of everything and of being used, then Raquel earns this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award when she tells Hayley that Assholeo made love to her the night before. At first Hayley isn't buying it at all and calls Raquel a liar. But Raquel's arguments suddenly get more and more convincing as she plays up how used she feels. Raquel tells Hayley that he used her, and he could use Hayley too. Raquel finally leaves and tells the door that it got what it deserved.

Back at the condo, Ryan shows up and catches Raquel while she's resumed packing. Raquel has suddenly become angry, spiteful, mean and nasty. She screams at Ryan that Hayley ruined her life. Ryan can't say much during Raquel's fit of rage, so she screams at him to leave and he does.

Over at Wildwind, Hayley is considering how possible it is that Assholeo could have slept with Raquel. And just then, what should happen but Assholeo arrives. Hayley isn't so hot to let him in the door, but she finally does. She's got a look on her face that, to me, screams "Screw you!" but Assholeo doesn't really notice. He starts talking to her about making up and getting things back that they had, all the while not knowing what Raquel has just told her. He tells her that he's willing to give it another try, that all he cares about is her. Then this major jerk has the nerve to say, "I forgive you." EXCUSE ME??? You forgive her? And then when he says he wants her back he says, "It's what I want." I don't give a flying fig what you want! He didn't care one lick about what Hayley wanted. This guy has gone above and beyond angry and has headed straight into verbally abusive. Does he really think that a little sweet talk, some civility when he talks to her, and a little innuendo can make up for that? Now, if I were Hayley this would have ended long ago and if he still insisted on seeing me, he'd come wearing a cod-piece. Hayley obviously has much more decorum than me, she just looks at him in disgust and walks out.

Stella walks in and gives Assholeo the toys that Damien left and tells him that Raquel had been there. When Assholeo realizes that Raquel must have said something to Hayley, he runs out and heads to the condo. Too bad she's already took off. This wasn't it for her though, she'll be back.

After leaving Wildwind, Hayley headed to AA. The only saving grace about those meetings is seeing Axel. Damn I love that guy! Hayley decides not to burden Axel with her problems though, and when she leaves she runs straight into Ryan. Hayley loses it and begs Ryan to take her away. Gillian watches at Ryan takes Hayley away.

Well, I just wasted way too much time on them. Let's talk about Erica and David. Erica is planning a nice little romantic dinner for her and David, but instead Myrtle shows up. Myrt wants to warn her that even if she isn't in love, her heart can be broken. This comes back to haunt Erica again and again. Myrtle is just looking out for Erica and Erica appreciates it. It's sweet and rather amusing too. Myrtle tells Erica that Becca mentioned she saw her and David kissing at the Boathouse. She tells Myrtle not to get so upset about a little kiss, to which Myrtle replies, "Because, darling, you have married a man for less." Erica says something about how they aren't even thinking in terms of marriage, and how could she say that! Myrt replies, "Because that is what you do when you're bored." YOU GO MYRT!! So anyway, Myrt leaves and David doesn't show. Erica's getting a little pissy and I'm thinking suck it up honey, he's a doctor!

Flashing over to just why David was keeping Erica waiting... Dixie is brought into the hospital by Becca and Scott. David sees her and grabs her. Dixie begs him to save her baby. In the ER examining room, David gives Dixie an ultrasound while they wait for the ob/gyn on call. Ruth arrives and David signals her that Dixie has lost the baby. Ruth tries to talk to her, but Dixie is incoherent. Tad arrived, but it was too late... Dixie already knows her baby has died. Tad goes to her, and what a heartbreaking scene. Dixie apologizes to Tad, thinking that she did something to cause the miscarriage. But Tad tells her that she is not to blame, and tries to sooth her. Ruth comes in to tell them that she needs to have a D&C, but Dixie refuses. Tad lets David talk to her alone, and does another ultrasound on her, showing her that the baby's heart is not beating. He gets her to understand why they are going to do this procedure. These scenes at the hospital are incredible and everyone involved is outstanding. So this weeks PERFORMERS OF THE WEEK are Tad, Dixie, David and Ruth. Tad and Dixie for the way clung together for comfort. Ruth because it's always great to see her and she plays emotional wonderfully. And David because he can shift gears from caring doctor to lusty lover in a matter of minutes. His care and concern for Dixie were amazing and totally believable.

Erica shows up at the hospital to leave him a message, and instead he sees her. He embraces her with such despair. Erica takes him back to his room at the Valley Inn and they make love, over and over and over. Damn that man has some prowess! He even alluded to doing it19 times because of 19 being her lucky number! I have to say, I was skeptical at first, but I've come around to really enjoying David and Erica. They are fun, sexy, nothing heavy. It's refreshing for a change. Erica tends to have some guilt over her lust, but that just adds to the fun. And the dialogue! Fun stuff. For instance... Erica tells David how upset he looked at the hospital, but was so happy that she was able to lift his spirits. David replies with this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK, "Oh, you were able to lift a lot more than that." When she leaves, she tells him that maybe they should go for 20! Suddenly I'm feeling pretty jealous!

Back at the hospital, Dixie is asleep after her surgery and is dreaming about her baby girl. By her side the whole time, Tad watches Dixie go in and out of consciousness and agonizes over having to tell her again that she lost the baby, if she doesn't remember. When Dixie wakes up, she's disoriented and doesn't remember losing the baby. Tad tells her and again she's devastated, blaming herself and apologizing. David arrives to examine her, and when he listens to her heart, she asks him how he can hear anything because her heart is broken.

Outside Dixie's room, Tad runs into Edmund and they talk. He tells Ed about the miscarriage. They talk about Dixie, about Maria, about Dimitri. Ed wants to go see Dixie, but she's asleep so he leaves. Joe takes his place and he and Tad talk. Tad is upset and grieves for the baby he lost. But unfortunately, Dixie hears him say that maybe the miscarriage was for the best. When Tad goes back in the room, she lashes out at him and tells him he never wanted the baby. She tells him she heard what he said. He tries to explain what he meant, but Dixie is not hearing it. She's distraught, in pain, confused and devastated. All very understandable emotions under the circumstances. She accuses Tad of being glad she lost the baby. Just then, Brooke arrives to see Dixie (having been told by Edmund that Dixie lost the baby). This was a really nice scene, and almost got scene of the week because of the great use of history. That is something I usually think that AMC forgets about... history. But Brooke went there and she talked to Dixie and talked about her own lost baby when she had the tubal pregnancy. Dixie cries for what might have been and tells Brooke that Tad does not understand. Brooke tries to convince her that he does. She tells Brooke that she had wanted to name the baby Bess, after her mother.

Having been thrown out of Dixie's hospital room, Tad goes to the park to regroup. There he runs into Jake and Colby and tells Jake that Dixie lost the baby. I'm taken aback by the stupidity of Jake's reply. He says, "what, did she have a miscarriage?" Well gee no Jake, Dixie just misplaced the baby while she was at the supermarket. Jake gets a page and leaves Colby with Tad. They have a wonderful little scene where Tad confides in Colby all thing things he's been thinking, including how much he would have loved having a daughter and how he wanted to name her Bess, after Dixie's mother.

Back at the hospital, Tad sees Jake again and tells him that he's afraid to face Dixie. Jake tells him to share his grieve with her. Gillian offers to go and talk to Dixie and tells him that she knows what it's like to have memories haunt you. Tad doesn't understand, he says the baby wasn't born yet, there are no memories. Gillian tells him that dreams can haunt you just as much as memories. Tad understands and then lets her go see Dixie. The two talk and have a very moving scene as a friendship develops. I'm still seeing a surrogate thing happen her, and Gillian is perfect for being the oven for Tad and Dixie's bun.

After Gillian helps Dixie get dressed, Tad goes back in and tells her it's time to go home. He mentions something about it being cold in the room and gives her his jacket to wear. Dixie puts her hand in the pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. Tad tries desperately to stop her from looking at the paper, but Dixie won't give it to him. She opens it and on the paper is written the name "Bess Martin." Tad explains that he was trying out the name, and wanted to name their daughter Bess,after her mother. Dixie cries and realizes that Tad did indeed want their baby and is grieving too. They two embrace and cry and we have our SCENE OF THE WEEK.

Jack goes to see Alex about Dimitri's will. Alex tells him that they had new wills drawn up after they got married. Jack needs to talk to the lawyer who drew up the new will so after a brief hesitation, Alex gives Jack a card with the lawyers name on it. As soon as Jack leaves, she calls the lawyers office and tells them that he should not accept any calls from Jackson Montgomery. Urgh! Why does everything involving this woman have to be sneaky? And just how many people are in on her charade of Dimitri being dead? Seems to me that everyone is in on it but Edmund!

Alex goes to see Joe and is surprised to find Edmund there. Joe starts to ask Alex some questions about what happened in the plane when Dimitri suddenly died and Alex is understandably pissy. She just went through all this with Edmund and now it's very obvious that Ed put Joe up to asking her again. Once she finishes, she yells at Edmund, asking "why do you keep making me go through this!?" Once Alex leaves Joe's office, David sees her but she doesn't see him. It's obvious he knows her, though.

Back at Wildwind, Alex asks Gillian what Edmund's deal is. Gillian tells Alex that Edmund is a good man and he's distraught about losing Dimitri so suddenly. He wants answers. She then asks Gillian some questions about Maria. Gillian tells Alex that Edmund is still missing Maria, he even reads over her old medical books from time to time. Once Gillian leaves, Alex starts to page through some of the medical books that were lying around. Stella the Wildwind maid walks in and snippy as can be says, "Those are Dr. Grey's books!" I thought I almost heard her say... "put those down you sneaky wench!" Stella rocks! She was pretty cool this week, giving 'tude to Alex and those looks! Wow, even the old over the shoulder bitchy look. I'm going to give Stella an HONORABLE MENTION PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award this week. So because of Stella's 'tude, Alex takes the book with her to the Hunting Lodge, where she finds a picture of herself and rips it out of the book.

Ed decides to go apologize to Alex for his stunt in Joe's office. Alex accepts and tries to push him out of the Lodge before he sees that she has Maria's book. Once he's back in the living room at Wildwind on the ugly green sofa, Stella comes in and looks for the missing book. She mentions that Alex was looking at and Ed runs down to the Lodge. Alex is not there, but he goes in and finds the book. Of course, this is when Alex walks in.

Adam's back from tea with the Queen and acting pissy that Jake is spending time with Colby. *yawn*

This week's AMC gets a B+. Tad and Dixie were outstanding. David and Erica were fun and carefree. Hayley finally walked out on Mateo.

Please remember that this is an opinion column. Disagreements and discussions are welcome, but in light of certain events, I will not be answering email that is confrontational. While I welcome difference of opinion, please be respectful and remember that I am a real person whereas the characters we are discussing are not.