The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


August 14, 2000

It's a sad state of affairs when one is actually happy that there were only four shows to watch this week. I admit it, I was. Oh, I hear my email downloading already... "if you hate it so much, why do you watch it." Didn't say I hated it now did I? I am nothing if not loyal. Anyway, this week's shows were a whole lot of blah blah blah. Ryan and Gillian hid. Dixie nagged. Erica acted like a prima donna. Hayley wore a hanky. Becca got horny. Edmund decided to propose. Eliot acted guilty. Blah blah blah.

Picking up on last week where David is in the park with Alex. Erica had just left in a huff because David wouldn't go with her and explain why he was with Alex. This confused Alex too, but it made perfect sense to me. David is sick of not being trusted and having to explain his every move. So after that whole thing, when David walks off for a minute and his cell phone rings, Alex still answers it. Evidently she doesn't care much that it would piss Erica off. Eh, come to think of it... that's probably true. Anyway, it turns out that it's Dimitri calling David and he freezes when he hears Alex's voice. He's calling David to tell him that he needs to shut Dixie up once and for all so he's decided to fight for his life. But before he can say anything, Dimitri hands Dixie the phone and she tells Alex that she needs to talk to David right away. David rushes back to the hospital after talking to Dixie and tells Dimitri that he needs to be admitted into the hospital (call me crazy but what was he doing in the hospital bed in his jammies if he wasn't admitted?) so he can have the Hayward Hormone administered by IV. They decide on Seaview so he won't be found out. Dimitri thanks David for his help.

For some peculiar reason, Edmund decides to confide to Dixie that he is going to propose to Alex and shows her the ring he bought her. Dixie fails miserably at being happy for Edmund, and he notices. She covers by telling him that it's too soon for him to marry Alex and that Dimitri has only been gone for a year. Edmund assures Dixie that he and Alex are ready and he phones Alex. She's at Wildwind fawning all over Maddie while completely ignoring the never seen Sam. Edmund is trying to talk to Alex but Dixie is freaking out all over the place and telling him not to do it. Now Edmund is really suspicious as to why any of this is Dixie's business. Well Ed, it is because you made it her business by telling her in the first place. Dixie is all set, again, to tell Edmund what is going on when David interrupts them. Dixie is trying to talk but David talks over her and tells him that Dixie only meant that proposing at the hospital wasn't very romantic. Edmund agrees and decides to make the proposal more special, then leaves.

David drags Dixie into his office for yet another discussion on an integral part of her job... patient confidentiality. It goes in one ear and out the other as she goes on yet another "tell Edmund and Alex the truth" rampage. Dixie tells David to get out of her way and that she is going to tell Edmund the truth, but David stops her and tells her they have to respect Dimitri's wishes. Determined Dixie or is it Defiant Dixie, or maybe Dumbass Dixie... whichever, pushes past David and goes to Wildwind to tell Edmund and Alex that Dimitri is alive.

Dixie arrives at Wildwind, confusing the heck out of both Edmund and Alex. She tells Edmund she needs to talk to him alone (which confuses the hell out me since she wants both Ed and Alex to know about Dimitri) but as they head out of the room Dixie passes out. Yes, Dixie fainted over the stress of someone else's problems. Whatever. David, who had followed her to try and stop her, arrives and sees her on the floor and rushes over to help her, forgetting that Alex too is a doctor and capable of helping Dixie. Once Dixie comes to, David wants to take her to the hospital for some tests, but Dixie insists on no tests. I wonder if she'll tell Tad that she passed out from the stress of her job. Doubt it. Anyway, once they get to her house, David carries her over the threshold like they just got married and lays her on the sofa. He checks her vitals once more, then fires her. Dixie refuses to be fired though. David tries to reason with Dixie, telling her that she cannot handle the stress and needs to walk away from the whole situation before her health is put into jeopardy. He then tells her that no matter what the outcome of this situation, someone is going to be hurt and she cannot prevent it from happening, she seems to realize that what David is saying makes sense. He then tells her to get some rest and goes to leave. Dixie immediately falls asleep and, like Prince Charming, David goes over to her, checks her pulse and kisses her hand. Dixie, much like Sleeping Beauty, awakes from David's kiss, but doesn't realize he kissed her since he covered by saying he was checking her pulse. But before he can make me violently ill by telling her how honored he is to know her again, he leaves to go talk to Erica.

Backing up to Erica and Bianca at Enchantment, Erica is being overbearing and pushy with Bianca, telling her that she should get a makeover. Isn't that just the perfect thing to tell a vulnerable 16 year old girl with self esteem issues? Very thoughtless Erica. You just don't pick on appearance issues with a recovering anorexic! Anyway, Bianca just kind of rolls her eyes at Erica and would rather discuss her father. It seems Bianca has noticed that Erica's relationships don't last much longer than the life span of a tsetse fly and wants to know why. She asks Erica if she loved Travis. Erica assures her that she did. But Bianca just doesn't understand how Travis wasn't enough if she loved him and why Erica had an affair with Jack. She asks Erica what she wants and if she's afraid to be alone. Erica is really taken aback by these questions, and honestly I think it's wonderful. It about time Erica's poor track record with men is discussed. And I think it's great that Bianca is not blindly accepting of all the mistakes that Erica has made. I can see some good potential here for a very interesting mother/daughter relationship. The scene continues after a brief diversion of Ryan showing up to pitch his company to Erica. Erica agrees to invest, Ryan gets a frantic call from Gilly (more on that later) and rushes out. Back to the Bianca and Erica discussion. The more they talk the more I am inclined to give them the SCENE OF THE WEEK award. Erica stops to think about why her relationships haven't worked and tells Bianca she honestly doesn't know why. She goes on to say that when she falls in love, she believes it's the one that will last her lifetime. And even though she hasn't found that everlasting love yet, she's never going to give up. This was such a great scene. This is the Susan Lucci that won an Emmy, not the bratty prima donna accusing David of having an affair whenever she sees him with Alex.

Right on cue, during the failed relationships discussion, David shows up to talk to Erica. Bianca excuses herself to go hang out in the lipstick lab or something, but actually ends up taking the PV Transporter home. Once they are alone, David and Erica discuss the state of their relationship. David asks her if she loves him. She does, but when David asks her why she doesn't trust him, the tears start to flow and she tells him she has tried, but can't. She tells him that she doesn't feel he trusts her either and that they have no chance at making this relationship work. A tearful Erica and a disheartened David break up for what seems like the last time, and say a very emotional good bye to one another.

And back to Edmund for a minute. Since Dixie's strange behavior was construed as talking Edmund out of proposing at the hospital, Edmund calls Mateo for assistance in Proposal Plan B. Mateo arrives at Wildwind in what can only be called the FASHION DISASTER OF THE WEEK. That had to be one of the ugliest shirts I've ever seen! Ed and Mateo have a pretty tolerable scene, considering Mateo's in it, as they talk about Edmund wanting to marry Alex. Mateo tells him it's time he moved on and that he and Mama approve. Then they start to plan out how the proposal will go, which we don't get to hear and I think that's probably for the best.

Let's see... last week ended with Ryan going into the ladies room at SOS to talk to Gillian. So, picking up there, Gillian had locked the door so no one would come in but Tramplee starts knocking on the door and wants to get in. Ryan hides in a stall after Gilly lets her in. Tramplee proceeds to ask Gilly if she's seen Ryan because he told her he went to make a phone call but left his cell phone on the table. Ryan, who's crouched on a toilet, listens in as Tramplee brags about her relationship with Ryan to Gillian. Gilly pretty much lets it go in one ear and out the other. This little bit of idiocy wins, guess what, the MOST IDIOTIC SCENE OF THE WEEK. The only part I found remotely interesting was when Bianca came in, went into the stall that Ryan was hiding in and never said a word. It was so cool how she remained so cool and never gave him up. Once Gillian and Tramplee leave the bathroom, Ryan gives Bianca a note to give Gilly to meet him in the park.

Once they are there, Ryan consoles Gilly, which is pretty much all they do lately. Gilly is upset and feels it's time to stop lying and tell the Martin's what is going on. But Ryan doesn't think this is a very good idea and tells her they have to tell Jake first. I'm not sure what happens next because honestly, these scenes are so boring and so useless that I have zoned out. I think that Gillian gets a call to meet Joe at the hospital and that MyAdrian has news about Jake. At the hospital MyAdrian tells Joe, Tad, Brooke and later Gillian when she gets there, that Jake has been found. In case you're wondering, Tad has asked for Brooke's help since she's a magazine editor and they are known to have contacts in war torn countries. So while they are all discussing the joyous news that Jake is alive and has been seen, MyAdrian gets another call. This time they find out that Jake has decided not to come home, even though he can. Of course, Jake is probably doing medical work, saving people and what not, but you just know that Gillian will feel like he decided not to come home because of her. So she goes out into the hall and makes a frantic call to Ryan to meet her in the park, which he does. She gives him the latest Jake update and Ryan decides that he's sick of this crap and is going to Chechnya himself. Gillian begs him not to do that.

In the meantime, at the hospital, Tad and Joe are discussing this new turn of events and suddenly wonder where Gillian is. Tad gets that suspicious look in his eye and decides to go looking for her. As Ryan is consoling Gillian with an embrace, Tad finds them. I just know that Tad is going to come down with a severe case of Self Righteous Martinitis and man does that annoy me! Tad never seems to give a rat's ass about how Gillian feels to be abandoned. He never seems to take into consideration how selfish Jake is. All he cares about is that Gillian is leaning on Ryan. Tad Tad Tad, you get a big colossal DIXIE COONEY MARTIN COMMEMORATIVE SLAP award for that!

Hayley and Mateo ask Leo and Becca to appear on Wave as part of the couples show. The premise is that a couple will appear and be asked questions about their relationship and a panel of "experts" will determine if the couple has staying power. Sure it's an incredibly stupid idea, but that's not the issue I have with it. My issue is, when did WRCW hire Mateo?

MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK - Wave has another beach party. Do these people ever work? Or is the job actually having parties?

So at the beach, Leo and Becca are hanging out when Becca starts gawking at Leo's bod when he's putting sunscreen on his chest. Tramplee notices and tells her that he's just a man and to wipe the drool off her mouth then plops down in front of Leo and asks him to put sunscreen on her back. As Becca watches Leo slather up Tramplee, she lapses into a fantasy about Leo slathering her up with lotion and lovin. When she snaps out of it, Leo asks her to put some sunscreen on his back and as she touches him, Becca gets really horny, panics, then runs off. Virgins.

In another area of the beach, Waifley and Assholeo watch as MyAdrian and WhinySpice swoon all over each other. It's enough to make anyone want to hurl so Waifley and Assholeo break it up. Later, WhinySpice runs into Becca and beams about MyAdrian some more, and tells Becca that she thinks MyAdrian is the one. Becca confides to WhinySpice that she has strong feelings for Leo, to which Whiny tells her that maybe Leo is the one. Now I'm wondering why I bothered to mention any of this at all.

Leo runs into Tramplee again and tells her how he and are Becca going on the couples show. Tramplee tells Leo that he and Becca don't stand a chance, to which Leo responds with this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK, "Like you know anything about making a relationship last longer than one night." Unfazed, Tramplee predicts that Leo and Becca's relationship will be over before Labor Day. That Tramplee is sure a betting kind of gal. I wonder if she's laying odds on Eliot being Josh Walenski.

Mateo and Hayley decide to offer Leo and Becca $10,000 to appear on the Wave couples show. You know, that is some major budget they have given Waifley to toss around. Leo is all for it and agrees to do the show, but only if Becca says ok. Becca decides that she could use five grand as much as the next guy so she agrees too. WhinySpice wants to do the show with MyAdrian too, but as far as I can tell they haven't been offered the big bucks to do it. MyAdrian doesn't want anything to do with it, but when Whiny starts to whine, he reluctantly agrees. Hope they hold out for the cash at least. Suddenly Assholeo appears, tears off his shirt as if his portrayer is reliving his male stripper days, and runs out to the PV ocean. That was definitely a head scratching moment if ever I saw one.

Back to Leo and Becca, they are talking and getting to know each other better now that they are actually a couple. Leo has a pretty easy time reading Becca and knowing the things she likes, but the same is not true for Becca. It would seem that Leo is an enigma to her, and she doesn't know nearly as much about him as he knows about her. Leo tells her that he wants her to trust him and tells her to ask him any question and he will answer it honestly. Becca can't come up with one question to ask him... here's one for ya sweetie, "who is your father!?" With the talking portion of the day over, Leo and Becca start to make out. Becca gets a raging case of the hornies again and pulls back. She tells Leo that she thinks she's in love with him. Leo is shocked and as they start to make out again, Becca suggests they go somewhere more private. It's all a little too much suddenly for Leo and he backs down and tells her that she's not ready. That was really cool I thought. Leo may be thoughtless sometimes but he does have a heart and maybe he realized that losing ones virginity is a big deal and he wanted to make sure she wouldn't regret it. The funny part is, it was Leo who had the regrets. Once he took Becca home, he went home and confided what had happened to Bianca and can't understand why he backed down. Bianca tells him that she thinks it's really cool that Becca's a virgin and that she is too. But when she asks Leo if he's in love with Becca, he evades the question. Becca has her own true confessions back at home when she confides to Dixie what happened on the beach. This was one moment where I actually found Dixie tolerable. Dixie is the exact person that Becca should be confiding in, not Tina or Hayley for goodness sake's! Becca tells Dixie that she was glad that Leo stopped them before it got too far, because she may have regretted it. But she also tells Dixie that she's in love with Leo.

Not much going on with the Adam storyline this week. Tad and Liza did hire a contractor to start work on the ColMar Tower and met him at SOS to go over the specifics. Liza notices that Frank (the contractor) is eying Arlene at the bar and urges him to go over and make a move. Arlene is absolutely loving the attention that Frank is paying her and gets all set to go for it with him when she spots Liza and backs down. I suspect she may end up meeting him somewhere more private though. She must be suffering from a lack of lovin by now since Adam's been gone for what? Two days maybe?

And here we go, the Brooke/Eliot fiasco. Brooke confides to Phoebe that she doesn't know all she would like to know about Eliot. Phoebe urges her to find out more so when Eliot arrives, the Phoebster conveniently goes out with Juanita, and Brooke invites Eliot to have an indoor picnic with her. They bond over food and poetry. But when Brooke asks Eliot straight up why he was in prison, he has a difficult time answering. Brooke assures Eliot that she, of all people, would not judge him and tells him about killing Jim. She tells Eliot that even though she was not sent to prison, she lives with the knowledge and guilt that she took another life. Eliot tells Brooke that he believes in forgiveness and he believes that a person can be redeemed, but the sins themselves will never go away. Let me interject here... in my opinion, when Eliot is inevitably revealed to be Josh Walenski, I can't see him as redeemed. He lies to Brooke daily. Where is the redemption there? Anyway, Brooke tells him that she really needs to know what he did because she never questioned Jim and we all know how that turned out. Eliot does a song and dance around the real crime by saying he was reckless and destructive. He goes on to say that he robbed an innocent family of their most precious gift and that he betrayed a community. Brooke assumes that this means he stole something and tells him he shouldn't be ashamed since he has paid his price and has also found God. Eliot freaks out and rushes out, saying he has a meeting he forgot about.

Eliot goes to confess to his friend/superior/mentor, Reverend Taylor. He tells him that he was unable to tell Brooke the truth. Rev. Taylor is disappointed in Eliot and tells him that he must tell Brooke. In the meantime, Brooke is confiding to Phoebe what happened. Both Rev. Taylor and Phoebe realize that Brooke and Eliot are developing feelings for one another.

Later, when Eliot finds Brooke at the beach, she tells him that she is very sorry for pushing him to talk about something he didn't want to talk about. Brooke very emotionally tells Eliot that something has been missing from her life ever since Laura was killed. Eliot tries to tell her that she's lead a full life since then, has had Jamie and adopted Laura. Brooke tells him she doesn't feel whole and has grown accustomed to her feelings of loneliness. Eliot tells her that if he could, he would take away all her pain. Brooke tells him she's not looking for a miracle and then they kiss passionately. Brooke gives a very incredible and emotionally charged performance and wins this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award. It's just a shame that I hate where this is leading.

This weeks AMC get a C- as it reaches new heights of average.