The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


August 10, 1998

Ask and you shall receive. Last week I was wondering what became of Dixie's engagement to Jonas. Lo and behold, Monday rolls around and the issue is addressed. Now that's what I call service! The funny part about it was that Dixie said the engagement was called off because, well, he just wasn't THE one. Evidently she's gotten a little more discriminating since she moved from Pine Valley. She thought that Adam was THE one and married him. Then she thought that Tad was THE one and married him (and then a couple more times too). Let's she, she thought that Craig Lawson was THE one, then she thought Brian Bodine was THE one. So what the heck was wrong with this Jonas guy that she couldn't marry him? Heck Dix, you've got enough divorces under your belt, what's one more. I know some of you caught this as well as me... when Dixie was looking for a flashlight she found the fish tie that Junior had given to Tad. Tad and Dix stood there and laughed at how ugly the tie is, and she said... "I wouldn't wear that for a million (insert word here)." I'll give you a hint, it was supposed to be bucks, it rhymed with bucks, but it wasn't bucks. How did that get by the censors!?

While I'm still on Dixie, her jealousy of Liza is way old. Get over it and on to something new. It's been two years. Two years that Tad and Dixie have both been involved with other people and moved on. Why the jealousy still and the snide little remarks? Personally I love Tad and Liza's relationship now. And I'm not saying she and Liza should be buddies, although look at Dixie and Brooke. They're friends and Dixie screwed her over twice! Who knows, maybe Dixie and Liza will be friends someday.

Adam continues to show his delusional side with that idiotic daydream he had. Let's look at it again. Liza and Adam, blissfully happy looking at the baby. Liza sighs, oh Adam, I'm blissfully happy... I just wish this child were yours. Adam says... oh darling, I have something wonderful to tell you, this is my child. I switched the sperm samples so that mine would inseminate you, isn't it wonderful. And Liza coos.. oh yes Adam, how wonderful! Oh please! Even if they do, by some miracle, get back together and are blissfully happy, that will end the minute he tells her what he did! But rest assured, I don't see this couple getting back together. Anyway, insemination day arrives and everyone decides not to shower or change their clothes from the previous day. Lovely. How do I say this delicately... oh nevermind I'll just say that if I were Liza, I would have bathed. Admittedly I know nothing about artificial insemination so I don't know if it should really be as easy as it seemed on AMC. Come to think of it, I'm completely clueless about it and for all I know Liza could have used a turkey baster and gotten the same result. I do know one thing, she is not going to be at all happy when she finds out what Adam did. And she will find out, most definitely. And poor stupid Allie, so easily led down the wrong path. Does she really think that Adam will get her her medical license back? I'm thinking he'll deny he even said it. After all she is crazy you know. At least that's how it seems. And she denies it so much it just has to be true. Take for example this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK from Jake. Allie bursts into Liza's room at the fertility clinic and, thinking this will calm Allie down, Jake says, "Allie go home and call Dr. Tolland." To which Allie replies, "I'm not crazy Jake." There is that denial again. What is that old saying? Me thinks doth protest too much. Get that girl to Oak Haven! Oh and in case you don't remember, Dr. Tolland is Pine Valley's only reputable shrink.

Mateo Mateo Mateo, you rival Allie for who's more bright. First he tries to open that big huge virtually sound proof door of the mausoleum using nothing but his brute strength. Well we all saw how far that got him. Then that box arrives for Hayley and, thinking it's a bomb he tosses it out into the hallway at Wildwind. You're really concerned about your niece and nephew aren't you Mateo old buddy. Not only Maddie and Sam, but everyone else who is living there. Don't think or anything. Just toss the box 2 feet away from you and jump on top of Hayley, that should save the day. And then there's his snippy attitude with Gillian. That is totally uncalled for, she was just trying to help. And why is it that no one involved in this story can figure out who Lee is?? They have security, they have dogs, they have surveillance. But things keep getting past all that and showing up on the doorstep. First the carousel then the tickets to the carnival. Jinkies Shaggy, how do these things keep getting here past all the security? Well Scooby, it's because the person who's putting it there IS ALREADY ON THE PREMISES!!!! Personally I think that Gillian will figure it out. She is the only one who seems to be creeped out by "John." I about spit when Gillian said something about him that Hayley didn't like and she snaps, "John's a good person!" You're a great judge of character there Hayley. Maybe Gillian should sue them, but instead of suing for payment of her medical bills she should just sue them for being so stupid. Can you do that? I'm sure some lawyer would find a way to! I'm so glad they decided to call up Myrtle and get her in on this. But why didn't they show her the picture that Stuart drew of Lee? She could have updated it. Actually I thought it looked just like Lee as it was (only with a beard), but no one else seemed to.

Speaking of Stuart, did your heart not break for him? That letter was just heart wrenching. I know that there really are very few reasons for anyone to think that it wouldn't be true, but come now people! Marian has really redeemed herself, why is Stuart the only one to see it. Liza should have thought that it wasn't true too. Adam and Tad, well... they would believe Marian would do something like that. But Liza? No, she should have had more faith than that. All the while Marian is holed up in the mausoleum with the longest burning candles in history. She's doing all she can to humor Lee, while still trying to figure out how to get out of there. I just loved when she attacked him! All I could do was yell, "YOU GO GIRL!" at my TV. What really confuses me though is that Lee thinks that Marian is Joy. I've got that part, but next week it seems as though Lee writes a letter to Hayley and Mateo telling them he ran off with Marian. Basically to throw Stuart off, but does Lee even know who Marian is when he actually thinks that Marian is Joy? Did I confuse you now too? Last week I said that I think the kids (Jamie, Junior and Amanda) find Marian, well I was close. They do hear her. Most likely her Knight in Argyle Sweaters will actually come to her rescue, and that's fine by me! I would love to see Stuart be the hero.

I'm so glad Belinda finally knows the truth about Adrian being a spy. Her suspicion was getting so boring. I don't quite understand her anger though. How could he tell her that he's a spy? Let's just get these two going on a relationship already! The relationship that I love is/was Adrian and Opal's. It was so sweet. I hope it's not over. I know she's upset now, as well she should be, but Adrian didn't set out to investigate Palmer. He likes her, he's her confidant. Let's hope it's not the end of Adrian and Opal's friendship. So who would have thought that that old curmudgeon Palmer would be a thief. Wait until Adam gets wind of this, he'll have a field day!! I find this story to be very intriguing. Stealing works of art from the Nazi's, wow! Now that's interesting. And having the center of this story be one of my all time favorite characters, Palmer! And having one of my new favorite characters in on it too.. Adrian! It has promise, that's for sure. But what is the deal with blabbermouth Erica? She warns Opal that Mike and Jack are plotting to search the house, she tells Opal that Adrian is a spy. And then, when they do show up with the search warrant, she just marches downstairs and goes in the secret room with the spies, the DA and the owner of the house. What does any of this mean to her and why should she be involved and able to walk into the middle of an investigation? When they all went into that room I had flashbacks of Geraldo digging his way into Al Capone's vault on live TV. They walk in and, just like Geraldo, find nothing! So Mike thinks that searching the rest of the house would be good, but Jack says no, that they wasted enough of Palmer's time and apologizes for the inconvenience they may have caused. Mike's does the old devil's advocate thing and asks Palmer just why he has a secret room in the first place. Everyone is dying to know and what Palmer comes up with as an answer earns him this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award. It pains me to give this award to Palmer since I just adore the old coot so much, but oh does he deserve it. When he said that he has that room to get away from Opal and so he never has to hear the word Lovebug, my heart broke for Opal. She doesn't deserve that! That was just low. And the worst part is, everyone seemed to buy it. We know that Mike and Jack were just trying to make Palmer believe that they were off his trail, but Tad, Dixie, Erica and Belinda all believed it. And what about Erica telling Palmer that the whole thing with searching his home was probably about her and she was so sorry to put him through all that. Geez Erica, get over yourself! But all is not lost Opal, for telling Palmer off but good, you get this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award. She was just awesome. And I loved that Tad and Dixie got to watch that!

I'm really liking David Hayward this time around. I like the idea of him and Liza. I don't understand why he's always at the hospital that fired him, but I have a feeling he'll end up getting his job back there. Which makes perfect sense, why not rehire a guy who tried to murder a patient. Most of all though, I love how he torments Allie. It looks like they are auditioning him with some of Pine Valley's ladies to see who he clicks with. We know he's interested in Liza. Then we saw him catch Dixie in mid-faint. And then the scene on the sunporch with Gillian. They do this a lot on AMC to see how well people work together and if the chemistry works. This is how Noah and Julia ended up together, and Edmund and Maria. Did you know that Maria was originally supposed to be Trevor's love interest? Well, once they saw how well Eva LaRue and John Callahan worked together, it was bye bye Maria and Trevor, hello Maria and Edmund. Now, Gillian seemed intrigued by David. My guess is she will use him to make Ryan jealous, the way she is jealous of his attention to Hayley. *Yawn*

Next week is the big surprise witness at Brooke's trial. No surprise really, it's Jim's brother Bob Thomason. He's brought in to testify for the prosecution. Yes, he testifies against Brooke. I know when I first heard about Bob testifying I figured he'd be for the defense and this would somehow ultimately end up getting Brooke off, but I guess she's going to have to be pardoned by the Governor to get out of this one.

One final, don't walk to your nearest theatre and see "There's Something About Mary." I just saw it, and it was totally hysterical!!! I loved it!