The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


April 16, 2006

Before I even start, I have to say this was really a lame week to chose to write about! This Editorial reflects shows that aired from April 10 through April 14. A whole lot of nothing happened and a lot of people are really annoying me! My tune selection for today is Tones on Tail Everything (that's a 2 disk set), PJ Harvey Rid of Me, Simple Minds Glittering Prize, and Garbage (self titled).

It's puzzling to me how Janet has a cell phone at Oak Haven or wherever it is that she's being treated. But apparently she has one because she keeps sending JR text messages telling him that Babe is only using him to get custody of Little Adam. Puzzling as well is why JR would allow this to be the only thing that Janet has ever said that he takes seriously. Granted, Babe's history with JR will probably always give him pause, but this is coming from Janet! I just do not understand why he would allow her to get under his skin this way especially considering how in the next breath she will say Dixie's alive and he calls her nuts, insane, out of her mind and whatever other way you can think of to say batty. So let's recap... when Janet says Babe is using him, she's clear and lucid. When Janet says Dixie is alive, she's off her rocker. Got it? I might want to smack him upside the head for this, but there are for more deserving people this week so I'll let it go.

For her part, Babe DID intend on doing what Janet is accusing her of, but she had already given up that plan by the time Janet kidnapped her. I truly believe that she loves JR. On the other hand, I don't truly believe he loves her. I really truly never see sincerity in him. Whether he's gagging me by forgiving everyone who hurt him or he's professing his love and devotion (then two seconds later getting moody and broody about Janet's messages) to Babe. I'm just not buying it. I am glad about one thing though, that he told Babe what Janet is doing and gave her a chance to explain it to him. She probably should have told him that she did think about it, but by the time she told Janet that she truly was back in love with him. Instead she just told him that she told Janet that in an effort to save Remmy and herself (personally I think Janet's name of Rembrandt for the baby is far better than Little Adam for goodness sakes!). It wasn't a lie, that is what she was doing. But she had a chance to wipe the slate clean and she didn't take it. Do I blame her, not really, given her history with JR. I did love how Babe told him that she betrayed not only him, but her own mother too. JR seems unmoved by her telling him all this, but in the end tells her that he believes in her. Again, I'm not buying it. And to prove my point, JR tests Babe's devotion to him by suggesting another baby. Thankfully Babe can read him like a book and knows that is exactly what he is doing.

In other Chandler news....

Krystal had a belly ache and Adam thought she was pregnant. When Krystal tells him there is no way she's pregnant, he tries to talk her into having a baby. Now Adam, haven't you screwed up enough of your children's lives!? There certainly is no need to bring another victim... er, child into this world!

JR has proposed daycare and job sharing at Chandler Enterprises and the board members are not at all thrilled by this. It makes me wonder if JR had a previous meeting with Judy, Violet and Doralee because I'm pretty sure those are the things they wanted to implement at their company in Nine to Five. Krystal backs JR up and so Adam eventually does too, but is not happy about it and really made me chuckle when he asks JR, "Is this your idea? Or does Babe have you so besotted, you'd cut all of our throats for her?" That Adam, he does have a way with words doesn't he?

When JR receives more messages from Janet's mysterious cell phone, JR first shows Adam and Krystal who assure him Janet is loopy. Then he shows more to Babe. Babe is upset by his lack of faith so he promises that he will erase them all and erase any more messages that he receives.

Possibly joining Janet in the goony roost very soon we have Erica Kane. I think I'm about as thrilled as she is that Josh is her son, or as I like to call him, the Walking Talking Fetus. Never before has such a storyline disgusted me as much as this one. But I ranted about that in my previous Editorial so I'll just leave it at that, utter disgust. At any rate, this is what we have. So Erica has decided that she needs to kill Dr. Madman for stealing her fetus. She researched and found a drug that, when taken improperly, can cause a heart attack so she decides she will slip him the drugs and no one will ever know, because that always works out right Erica? So bonkers is she that she goes so far as to thinking that giving him the lethal dose on her TV show so he can die live on the air, is a great idea! I hope Oak Haven is getting her room ready. And as she's giddily watching Greg dying on the floor of her set, live on the air, Josh rushes in to administer CPR with Ryan there helping him. Kendall, who is on my last freakin nerve, rushes in and immediately asks her mother what she did to him. While you're at it Oak Haven, get a room ready for Kendall too. As soon as Josh saves Greg and the paramedics take him to Pine Valley Hospital, Kendall decides it's time to rip into Ryan for being happy to watch Greg die... Ryan, the one who was helping Josh with the defibrillator and CPR. Does Kendall ever think past her own completely impaired thoughts? Can she ever just not talk. OMG.

At the hospital, Josh arrives with Greg and wants to be in on the treatment but David tells him no with the line, "Relatives make lousy doctors." I seem to recall no one being able to tell him that when he wanted to treat Anna and Leora, and if I recall correctly, he did operate on them while Leora was still in the womb. But whatever. Kendall has arrived and she tries to comfort Josh by telling him how wonderful and how strong his father is. Josh, at first, is suspicious of Kendall's motives, but soon he breaks down and confesses to Kendall how much of a pain in the ass his father is, but he loves him anyway. I'm so moved by Josh's declaration and tears, that I am giving him this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award. I love it when I can see a snarky, egotistical characters vulnerabilities. Josh showed me that this week. Of course, when he's being a snot to Julia, I want to smack him, or when he's being a total jerk to Amanda. But in that scene with Kendall... he was sweet, sincere, upset, and just plain amazing.

But back at the studio, Ryan has figured out what Erica is up to. See Erica, it was that simple! Of course, Erica denies it at first, but Ryan is persistent since he had already spotted her taking an empty cup out of Greg's office. She covered for it at the time, but now that he saw that look on her face, that look of relief when Greg collapsed, it all made sense. As he looks around her office for the drugs, she stupidly and a not at all suspiciously, grabs her purse. Ryan takes it from her and finds the drugs. Ryan tells Erica she is not a murderer and she tells him that the death of Greg Madden would be justice. Cornered with her crime, Erica tells Ryan exactly how Greg violated her, how he experimented on her. She confides to Ryan that Josh was the child she thought she aborted. Ryan is shocked and disgusted (join the club Ryan) but tries to talk Erica out of killing Greg. Now more than ever he wants Kendall away from the mad doc, but killing him is not the answer. Ryan makes Erica promise she will stop trying to kill Greg, or he will have to go to Jack. Erica agrees. As if Jack really cares at this point, all he seems concerned with is controlling Lily.

At the casino, Dixie goes into a panic watching Greg dying on New Beginnings and Zach realizes that there is more to the Kate story than Dixie has told him. He wants the whole story and promises he can help her. Dixie tells him that Greg is the only one who knows where Kate is and if he dies, she will never find her. Zach heads over to the hospital to grill Greg. He demands to know where Dixie's baby is. Greg tries to pull his little mind games on Zach. Ahh you silly silly man. Zach happens to be very adept at mind games himself, so he certainly isn't to be intimidated by the likes of Dr. Madman! But getting no answers, Zach leaves only to run into Kendall who saw him talking to Greg and wants to know what he was doing in Greg's room. Zach tells her that Greg will hurt her. Kendall, in her infinite stupidity, believes that Zach is trying to help Julia adopt her baby. OMG Kendall, shut the hell up!!!! No one is more worthy this week than Kendall at getting the I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award.

Tad very romantically proposes properly to Di, with ring in hand on the beach. It's all so perfect that Di turns him down. It comes as a shock to Tad since she proposed to him first. But we know why she turned him down. She's feeling guilty about keeping the Dixie secret which is totally going to blow up in her face and she knows it. But poor Tad, he's oblivious at this point and so badly wants to move on and leave the ghost of Dixie behind. He's in love and he's ready. Di tells him that there is still to much he doesn't know but Tad tells her she needs to stop worrying about the past. I loved when he said, "I am willing to put up with your eccentricities, because I want you to put up with mine." Di finally gives in just in time for Babe, JR and Remmy to show up at the beach for a picnic. Tad and Di share their good news and Tad suggests that they get married right there, on the beach, in June. Ahh... summer at the Pine Valley Ocean, what could be more romantic! Babe assures Di that it will be beautiful and she will help her make plans. Di looks a little green, but agrees to it all.

Having caught Lily with Jonathan at their tree house, Jack is furious and tells Lily that she can never see Jonathan again. Jonathan assures Jack that he would never hurt Lily again, and that Ryan knows nothing of their secret meetings. Lily tells Jack that she will be 18 very soon and then he will have no say in who she can see. But Jack tells her that her being 18 will not make a difference. Lily is so upset that she tells Jack that he can never stop her from seeing Jonathan, she wants to be a normal girl, doesn't want him to be her father anymore and then runs off.

Jonathan goes to Aidan and Erin to have them help find Lily, and they all discover she is already hiding out there, at the PI office. Lily refuses to go back to Jack, but Aidan calls him anyway. Lily doesn't like that and thinks Aidan is trying to make sure she isn't happy. He didn't want to be her boyfriend, he didn't like Sam and now he doesn't want her to be with Jonathan. But Erin and Aidan try very hard to explain to Lily that Jack is only doing what is best for her. Once Jack comes and takes her back home, Aidan tries to talk some sense into Jonathan. I'm really not into this pairing of Jonathan and Lily, but I certainly do not like the way Jack is treating Lily either. Aidan best point was that Jonathan needs to back away and give Jack and Lily some space to work everything out. Jonathan is really so in love with Lily and when he tells Aidan that he thinks he is the way he is now, after having the tumor removed, so he could be more like Lily. Aidan tries to explain to Jonathan how Lily has special needs and boundaries and she will have them, always. But Jonathan doesn't care, he feels more like her now and she trusts him.

Back at the Montgomery home, Lily has withdrawn and will not talk. Jack, of course, blames Jonathan for this which is absurd and if Jack could see past his own anger, he would realize that Jonathan makes Lily happy not withdrawn. It was Jack who yelled at her. It was Jack who demanded she never see Jonathan. It's Jack who is trying to control her. It's Jack who she said she didn't want to be her father anymore. But sure Jack, you live in denial for as long as possible and believe that Lily is withdrawn because of Jonathan. Erica is there and tries to calm Jack down and suggests that he allow Lily to see Jonathan in public places, like other teenagers who are first starting to date do. Jack is not interested in this solution and instead confronts Erica about having Greg on her show and what she is hiding. Erica had her opportunity to come clean to Jack and didn't take it.

Back at the hospital, Josh had ordered a toxicology report on his father and found that drug that Erica slipped him in his system. Josh goes to show Greg the results and tells him he suspects that Erica is the one who slipped him the drug. He has put it all together and explains to Greg how Erica flipped when Josh showed up at the studio and tried to make him leave, and then when he went to get a drink of water from the pitcher, she grabbed it out of his hand. But Greg will not admit to Josh that Erica did this, even though he believes it to be true. Josh tells Greg that he loves him and he will not let Erica get away with this. But Greg covers for Erica and tells Josh that he had been self medicating himself. Josh doesn't believe him, but Greg urges him to get rid of the tox report because he's embarrassed that he did this to himself. Greg silently puts the pieces together in his head and realizes that Erica knows that Josh is her son.

Right on cue, Erica shows up at the hospital with flowers for Greg and to try and find out if he knows she drugged him. Greg very cagily tells her that he has been drugged and that Josh suspects her of being the one who drugged him. They dance around each other, figuratively of course, and it's so creepy and weird. Greg is, at the same time, accusing Erica of trying to kill him and coming on to her. As I ponder this disgusting storyline and the desecration of the first legal abortion on TV, I wonder what TPTB will take away from AMC next. Will we find out that it wasn't Ruth Martin who gave the anti-war speech that Mary Fickett won the very first soap opera Daytime Emmy for, but that it was someone else entirely? Will we find out that Lena was really a man and that the first lesbian kiss on daytime never really happened? Is Julia's abortion out there walking around somewhere too? Hey McTavish and company... why are you trying to destroy AMC's history and accomplishments!

Over at FUSION, Babe is making nice with Simone and gives her a framed photo of her and Ethan from the Mardi Gras Ball. It's a sweet gesture and Simone is clearly moved. So when Erin comes in and Babe backs up Simone's decision to hire her, Kendall is not the least bit thrilled. Because the world revolves around Kendall and her 100's of issues, she believes that Erin only wants a job at FUSION so that she can spy on her for Ryan. Good God, I have to SLAP Kendall again! Simone points out that Erin does indeed have business experience and is actually qualified for the job. An amazing feat considering no one ever hired for any job on AMC is actually qualified for that job. And when a vote is taken and Kendall is outnumbered she completely flips her lid. But when Ryan walks in just in time to see the tail end of Kendall's tirade and defends Erin, this just fuels Kendall's belief that she's there to spy even more. OMG, she's an utter loon!

Ryan tries to calmly and rationally discuss things with Kendall but as I always say, you cannot reason with the unreasonable. When the discussion goes to the baby, Kendall refuses to allow Ryan to be in on the decision making. Um, too little too late Kendall.. YOU gave him legal parental rights. So when Kendall won't budge, Ryan gives her the papers he's had legally drawn up to seize custody of the baby as soon as he's born. Kendall completely flips her wig. But Ryan will not sit by and watch Kendall take his son and Kendall keeps insisting that he cannot have him. She's got this, "I don't want him, so you can't have him either" mentality and it's so childish and stupid. OK fine, Madman is manipulating her. But seriously, HOW? What is he doing? He said a few little things about Ryan's past that gave Kendall a little more to think about? She's being an ass. Things go from bad to worse when he makes it clear he's trying to protect her from Dr. Madman. In an effort to get her to listen, he comes very close to telling her what Greg did to Erica, but he stops himself and just reiterates that he wants to raise his son. What everyone needs to do here is tell Kendall about Greg's misdeeds and be done with it. Oh, then we wouldn't have a storyline at all would we?

Random Comments...

Note to AMC hairdresser... can you take some scissors to the heads of Tad, Zach and Jonathan please, and while you're at it, decide what Dixie's hair is supposed to be doing. Thanks!

Poor Simone, she's grieving and lonely and was dealt yet another blow... she tells Zach that thought she was pregnant and would have a part of Ethan with her forever. Zach does his best to comfort her and gives her a copy of Ethan's birth certificate with his own name listed as father. Zach tries to help her deal with her grief. Because I'm hard pressed to find another, I give this SCENE OF THE WEEK, as Simone shares a fond memory of her first date with Ethan.

Tad goes to Ryan for help in figuring out what happened to Greg during the New Beginnings shoot. Ryan tells Tad that Erica told him about what Greg did, so he tells Tad that Erica tried to drug him. Tad surmises that the only place Erica would get such a drug would be David and heads over to his cabin.

I keep thinking that with as often as Kendall says she doesn't feel connected to the baby, that it's not really her baby at all. Madman could have implanted her with any embryo. He could be the father himself. The possibilities of the real paternity of this child are endless.

Kendall, still wiggin from her confrontation with Ryan, goes to Jack and asks him to help her get the parental rights she gave Ryan away from him. Jack, who is no fan of Ryan, can't really understand why she would want to do this and asks her why they aren't raising the baby together. Kendall admits that she is putting the baby up for adoption. Jack is stunned, considering Kendall's own experience with adoption (which in real AMC history, wasn't bad... but they like to make it that way now. Annoying). He tells Kendall that he truly believes that Ryan has changed and learned from his mistakes. This is HUGE coming from Jack. He goes on to tell her that Ryan deserves a chance, just like Laurel giving him one with Lily. Kendall is really pissed off that Jack is now in Ryan's corner. Jack delivers this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when he says, "You know, the reason you're pregnant with Ryan's child right now is because you went behind Greenlee's back and made it happen, and now that things aren't working out the way you planned, it's a little late for you to play the victim." GO JACK!!!!! When Jack asks her to explain to him exactly why she wants to put her child up for adoption, she cannot come up with an answer and only gets defensive. So he tells her to think long and hard about what SHE really wants, and when she has made that decision, no matter what it is, he will stand by her. Why can't he be this great a father with Lily?

David, in his ever increasing lunacy (another room at Oak Haven perhaps? How many does that make now? 3?) has created a big seduction scene for Dixie at his cabin. He has a romantic dinner planned with candlelight. Candlelight that she said in passing a few hundred years ago that she liked so he researched the holder online and found one and bought it for her. Um... yeah. She didn't seem to remember any of it. But he's so pleased I'm afraid he may just wet himself! And of course, Tad is on his way over to confront David about giving Erica drugs to slip to Dr. Madden. What he walks in on is Dixie with David. OUCH!

And finally this week... we bid farewell to Anita. Farewell Anita we're going to miss all those storylines you were never in. All that airtime you never got. Ahh the memories of the fights you had with Bobby that I can count on one hand. That ill fated romance with Aidan. All those scenes you never had with Julia when she returned from the WPP. Farewell Anita. We barely knew ya!

This weeks AMC gets a D. There was a whole lot of nothing going on and everything that did happen was just annoying as hell.