The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


April 7, 2003

There is much to talk about and I'd like to give a little warning right now, before I go any further **WARNING** this Editorial will be discussing speculations, spoilers and the big May sweeps rumored storyline. So if you are spoilerphobic, read no further. Thanks!

This is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees edition of the Editorial, so in my handy dandy cd boombox today I have The Clash (of course!) "Super Black Market Clash," "The Very Best of Elvis Costello and the Attractions 1977 - '86," The Police "Synchronicity," and more Clash, "From Here to Eternity Live."

Raise your hand if you think AMC will be putting Reggie and Joni together as a couple. I think he's supposed to a little bit younger (I remember Jack saying he was 15) but so what. And as far as the new crop of teens goes, I rather like Reggie. Come to think of it, let's take a little poll. Who is your favorite teen? I'll post the results in the next Editorial. Reggie did start out by playing the tough guy and trying to intimidate Joni, but when it came down to it he protected her. Big bad thug Luis tried to mug her in the park when she was taking Maddie home. It was Reggie who came to their rescue. But even passing it off as a joke wasn't enough to save him. He took a heck of a beating from Luis for that stunt. Joni right now can't stand Reggie... sounds like a recipe for love to me!

Jamie and Joni, I don't see that happening again. He's very interested in Laurie right now. And damn that Jamie is pretty ballsy! He walks right up to her and plants a kiss on her like she's his girlfriend and then gets all puppy dog hurt when she tells him to knock it off. What's a young lad with raging hormones to do? Why go home with a hooker of course! At first I didn't think Jamie knew she was a hooker, but he did mention that he didn't have any money on him (to which Hooker Holly suggested they stop at the ATM on the way to his house).

I guess it was bust everyone's cherry week on AMC... although none of them got to the finish line. Jamie gets interrupted when he's with Holly. And then we have Maggie and Henry. Henry is all freaked out because he seems to freeze whenever he takes an exam. Regina the buttinski knows this and takes great pleasure in taunting him. Hey, what is her point anyway? Does she like Henry? Does she hate Henry? All I know is she needs to express her issue or go away. Henry wants to confess to copying off Maggie's test, but Maggie talks him out of it. She then asks him to play guitar for her. He does and she gets all googly eyed and horny. Maggie evidently has a thing for musicians. Next thing you know, they are horizontal in bed and discussing their respective virginhoods. Henry puts on the breaks and brings up Bianca. I could have sworn I heard Maggie say, "What? Bianca who?" But then her memory jogged and she recalled how she is friends with a lesbian and was assumed to be one too by association. Her feelings for Bianca were not sexual, but she's having all kinds of them for Henry so shut up and bang her man! Nope, not to be. Alma calls and puts the guilt trip into Henry so he stops, and tells Maggie he feels like he's using her. What a way to make a girl feel special.

While were still on Henry, let's back track a little to when Maggie met Alma and was given the cold shoulder. This is purely speculation on my part, but here goes. Henry told Maggie that Alma's father (thus Henry's grandfather) was a American soldier stationed in Taipei. He met Alma's mother and had a relationship resulting in Alma, but he didn't marry her and she never knew who her father. This is why Alma does not want Henry to be with an American girl. Now, we all know that AMC doesn't throw out things like this for no reason. It was to get our little brains cooking on just how in Pine Valley could be Henry's grandfather. Well hold on to your hats folks, because here is my theory.... the one and only, Dr. Joe Martin! This would be military service that was served long ago, before 1970 when we met Dr. Joe as a doctor in Pine Valley and way before he was married to Ruth. It isn't really changing history, it's creating some more (like they did with Erica when she was raped by Richard Fields). We didn't know this about Joe. If you think about the candidates... Joe, Adam, Palmer. I'll take Joe! I think this would make a very interesting storyline. Although, yes, I'm tired of the long lost sibling, child, wife rehashes over and over, but... you make it a Martin storyline, and I may just pay more attention! Besides, Palmer already has long lost son Ross, and Adam has long lost daughter Hayley.

David, the first man in history to suffer from postpartum depression, is at the clinic doing his community service when a young boy is brought in who has a pacemaker. Oh the irony. Here is a boy who is alive because he received a pacemaker at an early age while David struggles with the decision of whether or not to let Leora get one. David is truly shaken by seeing this boy's struggle, but will it change his mind?

So Edmund and Mia... who'd a thunk it? At first I was thinking, no freaking way. He's too old for her and I'd like to see Mia with someone younger and more fun. But when they kissed... oooh oooh, fire! It was hot. Still, she has no chance of winning Edmund in the long run, so she should hang it up before she gets her heart broken again. We already know Isabella is not happy about Maria dating Aidan, and she's just as annoyed that Edmund is dating Mia. She arrives at Wildwind and sees Mia helping out with an ill Maddie. She thinks Maria should be called and be there to tend to her child, but Edmund tells Izzy no. Maddie isn't that sick, she just has a tummy ache and Maureen doesn't want to be summoned for every little thing. Edmund tells her that both he and Maureen are moving on. To Izzy though, Maria should be there for her daughter, so she takes it upon herself to go and tell her that Maddie is sick.

Wouldn't you know, Maureen has decided to take an Organic Chemistry test to see if she can pass muster in med school. She passed the test and plans a romantic evening for herself and Aidan to celebrate. Enter Izzy! She tells her that Maddie is sick and needs her, and since Edmund didn't call her she came to tell her herself. Aidan is very understanding and stays behind after MOHReen leaves. Ahh ha! Izzy stays behind too. She wants to have a few words with Aidan. Isabella tells Aidan that he is keeping Maria from her family and she won't let him destroy what they all had. Poor Aidan, he doesn't know what the heck is going on really. He knows he's in love with MOHReen, but is trying hard not to stand in her way... all the while fearing that if/when her memory returns he will lose her. Aidan tries to explain to Izzy that he has not kept MOHReen from her children and she makes her own decisions. I know a lot of people are bitching about Isabella's behavior, but I have to say, she's the only one who has stayed true to character (other than Maddie). What mother would just give up on their daughter after she returns from the dead? And I find it pretty whacked that Edmund has given up like he has. Isn't Maria the ultimate love of his life? She's back Edmund, why are you wasting time with Mia!? I have a hard time believing that Mia would be any competition for Maria. That's like saying, right now if Leo came back, Greenlee would be torn between him and Carlos. It makes no sense for Edmund, who was willing to do anything to help Maria regain her memory. So what... he gives her a few drops of an experimental drug, nothing happens and he's done? Did he call off David's testing? Is he just going to concede and let Aidan win the love of his life? But on the other hand, it does for Maureen. Hey, she doesn't know who she is, she doesn't know Edmund. She does know that Aidan was there for her and has always accepted her for who she is. Maureen moving on makes perfect sense, Edmund moving on does not.

Maureen heads over to Wildwind to take care of Maddie, who is more than thrilled to have her mommy home with her. She and Edmund tend to Maddie who is spiking a high fever. She keeps putting off calling Aidan so he finally arrives with a bag for her. Now seriously, even if you don't like Aidan and Maureen, how sweet was that of him to do? He doesn't have to be so understanding and he is. It turns out that Maddie is feeling better and Mia shows up to try and finish a date that was started earlier. Maureen tells Edmund that she and Aidan will take care of Maddie if she spikes a fever again and he should go out and have a good time. Edmund is reluctant to go so Maureen delivers this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when she says, "Go, or I'm going to have your useless security throw you out!"

Of course, Maddie is not happy when she wakes up and comes downstairs to see Aidan and her mommy kissing. Like any normal kid who's parents aren't together, she wants them to be. Once again, they try to explain things to her, but I suspect she's never going to truly understand.

Gratuitous Skin Shot of the Week.... the girls of Fusion all go have a work out at the gym. And yet again, Kendall is bitching and moaning about Michael. This time she thinks he just up and left her because he checked out of the Valley Inn and left no forwarding address. And of course, this is Erica's fault. *yawn*

Meaningless Drivel of the Week... at Fusion, Liza falls when her heel breaks. Carlos fixes it while Liza asks him about Greenlee. Was there any point to this at all!?

Greenlee is desperately trying to apologize to Carlos, for what , I don't even remember anymore. Guess it must have been real important. They finally meet up at Fusion and he accepts her apology and tells her she should keep her options open. He then he turns on some music and dances with her. Hey, the guy is no Fred Astaire, but I don't think he was supposed to be. The scene was cute and endearing. It was like how you would dance when you're home alone or in the office alone. Just fun and playful. Believe when I say, I'm not sold on Carlos and Greenlee, but I thought this scene portrayed fun and carefree very well.

Simone meets up with Boyd, at, of all places... SOS! I wonder who's running that place now. They don't get too far into a date before Kendall comes stomping her stiletto's over to them and bitching and moaning about Michael being gone. Michael Michael Michael!!! The LEO duPRES MEMORIAL PASS THE HANDBAG MOMENT continues when Michael arrives in mid-bitch. Isn't this getting old? Michael disappearing, Kendall bitching on Boyd's shoulder, Michael arriving, Kendall leaving Boyd in the dust. I know I'm sick of it.

As it turns out, Michael bought the condo right across from Kendall (wasn't that where Leo and Laura lived?) so he can be closer to her and prove to Erica that she can't run him out of town. Blah blah blah. I just wish Kendall would wise up! Michael is a creepy icky man, who is so using her and she eats it all up. I was going to say, is she really that needy?? But I guess she is. Well he turns on his icky charm and starts to manipulate Kendall even more. He asks her about Boyd, pretending he doesn't know that Boyd is the chemist who creates formulas for Enchantment. Michael encourages Kendall to try and lure Boyd to Fusion. Kendall isn't so sure about that, knowing he has an exclusive contract with Enchantment. Once Michael leaves, Kendall goes to talk to Boyd and apologizes to him for blowing him off the minute Michael got there. Boyd is sick of being Kendall's whipping boy and tells her that as long as she's with Michael, he'll stay away from her.

Big dopey Chris Stamp has finally realized that Erica is sleeping with Jack, not Michael. I'm telling ya, that guy is some great fed huh? He goes to confront them at Jack's office. Erica is all ready to tell another lie, but Jack refuses to cover for her anymore and tell her to tell him the truth already. She tries to explain that she only slept with Jack once, but Chris isn't exactly what you would call understanding. Erica constantly justifies herself and tells Chris that it happened when Lily was sick and she was trying to console Jack. Chris fires back that she comforted him the only way she knows how! (Hey, didn't I say the very same thing a few Editorials ago?). Erica shakes her hair and throws her shoulders back, and apologizes to Chris. But Chris tells her that she cannot seduce him into taking her back and he has finally seen her for who she really is... he tells her that she will always use sex to get what she wants because no one will ever love her for herself. Ouch, that one's gotta hurt.

Back at the penthouse, Bianca walks in as Chris is packing his bags. She sees a photo of her mother and Chris on the floor with broken glass and gets the idea. See, Bianca is pretty quick on the uptake, unlike most other residents of Pine Valley. Bianca asks Chris what has happened, but he's being evasive and tells her to ask her mother, and if she won't talk, then to ask her Uncle Jack.

Meanwhile, Erica has it out with Jack and blames everything on him. It's all Jack's fault because to Erica, he made her tell the truth. That's the only problem she sees in this whole scenario. That Jack told the truth and because of that, she has lost everything. Erica gets a big old DCM COMMEMORATIVE SLAP AWARD this week for never being able to see her own mistakes and take responsibility for them.

Erica tells Jack that he is always ruining her relationships and it's because of him that she's alone. Jack tells her to stop blaming him and see that she herself has driven everyone she ever loved away. He tells her that she's trying to drive him away too but he won't go. Then we have the blah blah blah crappola about how Erica's father abandoned her and it makes her feel unworthy of love and blah blah blah, let the past go already, and blah blah blah, her father ruined her life. Yadda yadda yadda. Can someone just give her Lysistrata's card already and be done with it!? How many times do have to hear that Eric Kane ruined Erica for all men. Erica tosses her hair and leaves in a huff.

Back at the penthouse, Bianca confronts Erica. She realizes soon enough that Erica has slept with Jack and tells her to grow up already and stop making excuses for her behavior. Can you believe this scene!? 19 year old Bianca has more maturity than her mother Medusa! Bianca goes on to tell her that her actions have consequences to other people, to her. She tells her to let someone love her how she deserves to be loved. But Erica is so deep into denial she isn't hearing what Bianca is saying. She still blames Jack for everything. Bianca tells her that she herself ruined what she had with Chris. She tells her that she should just admit her feelings for Jack and make a commitment to him before it's too late. Listen to this girl Erica... she makes a lot of sense! And she gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award.

And back at Jack's office, Chris shows up to have it out with Jack. Chris is getting really scary. He's got some serious rage issues going on. Jack apologizes to Chris, but tell shim he's not sorry that it happened. He tells him that it was not his place to tell Chris what happened and it had to come from Erica. And after telling Chris that he wants Erica, Chris punches him in the gut and leaves.

Jack, fearing that Chris is on a violent streak, goes to Erica's and says he's spending the night and is going to protect her from Chris. Erica thinks that's crazy and that Chris is no threat to her. I'm not so sure about that anymore. The dude is a loose cannon and he's ready to blow! But while talking to Jack, Erica is actually starting to come around... she's staring to realize that she herself has sabotaged her own happiness and that she is afraid to be happy. She sneaks out when Jack goes to get her some tea and goes to the cemetery to talk to Mona. Jack, of course, finds her there while Creepy Chris watches them from the bushes.


Well folks, all this is gearing up to be the big May Sweeps storyline, Chris Stamp gets murdered!! It's not an absolute given that it will be a whodunit, but it could easily go that way. There are about a gazillion suspects already and more will be added I'm sure. Who you ask? OK... Jack and Erica, obviously. Linus, the PI... he knows Chris, and although he's working for him, things change. Aidan, for the same reason. Michael, that's an easy one... and because of Michael, Kendall. Oh, Kendall killing Ryan's father! Interesting! But there's more. Michael's father, who is said to be coming to AMC and we know he has an ax to grind with Chris. I'm also putting Luis, the thug, in there. I think he's being kept around for more than just taunting Reggie. That guy is always walking around with a gun in his hand. And my last suspect, Flanders (pictured right). To jog your memory on this guy... he is the one that Chris let go while he was working on a case. He is evidently a really bad man, and no one knows why Chris let him escape custody. This is what Jack was having Aidan investigate. Oh Neddily Ned!!! Can you even believe that Ned Flanders is a suspect!? Oh wait, the guys name is Evan Flanders! My mistake! Okily dokily!

This weeks AMC gets a C- Nothing terrible, but nothing outstanding.