The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


April 6, 1998

I'm going to jump right in today and give out our first award. This weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED AWARD goes to, none other than Laura Kirk. In fact, I had wanted to upgrade the award this week to something a little more painful than a slap, but I didn't want to offend anyone's delicate sensibilities so if you want to know what I was planning you can write me and I'll be glad to tell you what I would like to do to Laura instead of just slap her. First of all, someone on the set of AMC should have given that girl and onion to sniff. There she was, spilling all her guts to Brooke. Every detail that she would "rather not talk about" for the past year. And I didn't see one tear fall down her cheek. Not one! Maybe she needs cry on cue lessons from Boo Hoo Brooke. Real tears were definitely needed in those scenes. For goodness sake's she was telling Brooke how she killed her own mother!! I would say that's a little weep worthy. By the way, I don't buy for one minute that she killed her mother. Jim set that fire. Well, she did burn the pictures, but she also put it out. Jim happen to have been down there to see the whole thing, so lo and behold; he restarts the fire, because Mrs. Laura's Mom was planning on turning him into the cops for taking pictures of her underage daughter. And then he's got a nice little thing to hold over Laura's head forever.

Now, why on earth, if Brooke could all of a sudden put together that Jim staged the kidnapping of Laura and shared the ransom money with Ricky, can't she figure out that Jim re-started the fire in the basement! I heard some strange rumor about how Brooke is going to send Laura to China, which would mean that Laura cannot be the killer. Laura going to China?? I have no idea if this is true, I haven't heard about it though, other than the rumor. Seems rather odd. But if it does turn out to be true that would pave the way for the killer to be the other person that people have been writing me all week and guessing it would be... Phoebe! Sure this is a good possibility, and I could definitely see Brooke taking the wrap for the Phoebster. But just how on earth would Phoebs pull it off? She's have to really surprise Jim, because I'm sure he's a lot quicker than an 80+ woman in a wheelchair! We will know soon enough though... The murder is coming up fast! Back to Brooke for a second, I knew she was going to be understanding and loving when Laura finally did tell her that Jim took the pictures of her, but it still makes me mad. I was really hoping for a good smack from Brooke. It would have been perfectly natural. And Laura's quote... "I had my head in the sand." No kidding honey!!!

Meanwhile Jim is being just as evil as ever in the aqueduct. Visiting Edmund and spouting off funny, interesting, although evil things. For instance, I got a chuckle out of this little Jimism, "I gotta run. I got a date with my bride to be, her dingbat aunt and her screwed up daughter. We've got a wedding to plan. Which reminds me, I've got to find another best man." Well I would never call the Phoebster a dingbat! But we all know that Laura is definitely screwed up. It gets a little nauseating hearing him refer to Maria as Ed's dead wife, or dearly departed wife. Ed's not too keen on it either, you can tell. But seeing Maria was so great! I'm going to have to find out that hallucination technique that Edmund uses. I sure wouldn't mind conjuring up Jimmy Smits and having him keep me warm and give me some kisses! But I digress...

I think that we will eventually see Maria back on the show full time. No right away, but she will come back. I have read numerous interviews with her, and she stated that she has moved back to NYC full time, that she is tired of auditioning and that she loved having a full time job. So it looks good. But like I said, it won't happen too soon. She needs time.

So now Dimitri has found Jim, with the help of his good friend, Mike Roy. Who knew they were friends? Not I. So the rather fine looking for a corpse, Mike Roy slithers back into Pine Valley, so he could help his old friend Dimitri. But seems Mike has some obsessing to do while he's in town. He stared at Erica at the Valley Inn, went to Linden and broke in, then looked through her photo album, and proceeded to hide out in Linden. But never fear, through all that sneaking around and obsessing, he was able to get the sand analyzed that Jim had on his shoe. Nope that sand did not fall off on the walk to the car, not in the car, not on the drive back to Pine Valley from the shore, not getting out of the car, not walking up the driveway or walking up to Brooke's door. That big pile of sand waiting until Jim got into Brooke's living room to leave his shoe. What a break that was for the good guys!

This week we had dualing Axel's. One is more obnoxious than the next! Although Faux Axel does have his moments. In fact the little guy has kind of grown on me. Faux Axel get this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when he said to Janet, "Whatever you do, don't kill me off please, leave me the option to recur!" I was laughing out loud on that one! But it gave me a brief scare that that might be a hint that Mr. Jim might not actually be killed. Oh what am I say, Mike Roy was definitely killed and he's back. So we could see Jim dead and buried but he could still come back some day! Please indulge me for a moment, I have a little message I want to give AMC: AMC!!! Are you listening?? I know raising Mike Roy from the dead was all a ratings ploy, but I have a perfect ratings winner for you. It's very simple and I can practically guarantee that your viewership (especially the women) will go up. All you have to do is keep Ryan shirtless as much as possible. Sounds like a ratings bonanza to me!!! Think it about! OK back to the Axel's. This week Faux Axel will tell Trevor the whole truth, and thank goodness for that! This story has gotten (gotten?? - I mean it's been) totally ridiculous. The only thing that would get Janet and Trevor back together would be another ghostly visit from Natalie. Is it going to happen? It could. I liked seeing Tim this week and Amanda too (have you seen her Diet Coke commercials?). Something has to give with this story. I mean, I do enjoy Faux Axel. He's so amusing. But it's really going nowhere and Real Axel added very little except to prove why Janet needed to be rid of him in the first place.

This weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK once again is Mateo. Those moans, and those hand squeezes. Works of brilliance. Pretty soon he'll wake up and all this talent of Mateo in silence will be gone. Too bad. But then again so will his whacko dreams! The one this week had weird clown dummy cackling and someone trying to kill Hayley with a sledgehammer. Mateo's on some nasty hallucinogens.

So now Mateo is at Chandler mansion. Hayley and Adam had a really sweet heart to heart talk this week, while whacko Camille listened in, with her stungun in hand. What really bugged me about this whole thing (other than just Camille's presence) was that Hayley and Adam were really connecting. They were talking like a father and a daughter and you could tell how much love they have for each other. Yet Camille could give a hoot about anyone but herself and her sicko revenge that she has no basis for anyway! Her dead father (who by the way is not dead and will be on the show soon) wrote her a note saying Adam killed her mother. OK pop's. If you say it, I believe. I don't need facts. All I need is revenge. TAD!! Get away from this loon while you still can!!! I just don't get his involvement. Who knows, maybe he's just horny.

It was great seeing Palmer this week, I hope this is the start of more storyline for him and Opal. No I don't see Palmer having an affair with Isabella. Even if he wanted to, Isabella would never be with a married man. I think Opal's imagination is running away with her, but then again, I don't understand Palmer's concern for Isabella all of a sudden either. AMC need MORE PALMER!!!!

The big wedding is this week. Of course Scott gets off the hook and broke Ryan and broke Gillian get to be sent off into marital bliss. How long with this last? Who knows, they may actually fall in love and realize there is more to life than just money. HAHAHAHA oops, sorry... I was trying to be realistic again!

Kelsey McBeal and her little fantasy about being a nun was rather strange. She looked just like Sally Field in the Flying Nun!! What I didn't get was why the nuns she was talking to just blew her off. There she is, albeit she didn't exactly seem sincere, but she poured her heart out about how she wanted to be a nun. And the Sister asks her to get her a cheeseburger! Having had 12 years of experience with nuns in my Catholic school days, I know they would not do that. They may point out that being a nun might not be for you, but they would never just blatantly blow you off like that! It seemed odd to me. But much more odd than that is Gillian asking Kelsey to be her maid of honor! I think she did it as a token, in your face, kind of gesture since when Kelsey accepted, Gillian didn't look too happy. I don't know, call me crazy but I kind of like the idea of Gillian and Ryan being married. I see some entertainment value here in Gillian trying to be a housewife or trying to get a job to help support them! And now that they are going to be married, that leaves the door open for Scott and Kelsey. Well, that's a nap waiting to happen. Here's a thought AMC, instead of focusing all kinds of boring attention on Scott and Kelsey trying to forgive each other for everything and then ended up a couple anyway, we get to see Richard and Kevin's relationship develop? Just a thought.


Week 6 - I think that James Martinez from NYPD Blue is off looking for Esther since he's been gone from that show, unexplained, for just as long!!