The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


April 3, 2000

Let's see there were three fantasies this week (four if you count Adam daydreaming back to his encounter with Liza) and three disasters were set in motion this week.

So, where shall we begin? Ryan, Tramplee and Gillian sounds like as good a place as any. Gillian is feeling so bad about telling Ryan that he ruined her life again since she found out he actually helped Jake to see her heart was in the right place, that she runs over to WRCW to apologize to him. Unfortunately, he's having a brainstorming session with Tramplee for his new dot com business venture. Gillian hears them inside the office, talking and laughing, and decides to take off.... *yawn* oh, almost dozed off there. Anyway, with Tramplee's help, Ryan names his new venture

Later, Tramplee meets with Grandpa Woody to go over the finer points of buying the guy you lust after a company without his knowledge. Unfortunately Snooticent horns in and once again voices her disapproval over that riffraff Ryan Lavery. Tramplee sings his praises and goes on and on about how smart and wonderful he is, and how he's going places. Tramplee admits to her grandparents that she's in love with him, and only wants to help him be the success she knows he can be. Just then Ryan arrives and tells Tramplee that Midori wants him to fly to NYC with him to finish going over the proposal, so of course he brings her along. After they leave, Woody asks Snooti what she plans on doing, Snooti replies that she doesn't have to do anything, Tramplee is going to ruin this all on her own. Disaster #1... Once Ryan finds out that Tramplee was behind this business venture being so easily backed, I don't think he'll be too happy about it.

So, in NYC Ryan and Tramplee are living the high life and went to a swanky club. As they are dancing, Ryan fantasizes (Fantasy #1) that it's really Gilly not Tramplee. A little later, when Ryan goes to make a call, we are treated to the scene that had absolutely no point this week, Tramplee running into an old school friend, Adaire. It's a meeting of the snobs as they name drop, position drop, and in general drop my total interest in anything they are saying. Basically what happens is, Adaire is out with a bore and wants to take Ryan for the night if Tramplee isn't using him. So Ryan... feeling like a hunk of meat yet? Tramplee tells her that she had better not even think about it or she'll learn first hand the meaning of the word pain... or something like that. Adaire huffs off and I'm thinking... was this nonsense absolutely necessary? No, thus it is awarded with the prestigious MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK award.

When Ryan comes back, he tells Tramplee that he has to back to Midori's hotel room and work out a business plan, then asks her to spend the night in NYC with him, she nods like "OK" like she's suddenly lost all use of her tongue. So back in the hotel room, Ryan is busy working away and making calls when Midori tells her that he is really impressed with Ryan and Ryan's ideas and commends her for bringing him to his attention. Tramplee turns into power bitch and puts Midori in his place, telling him that he is never to address her or let on that her grandfather is bankrolling this deal. Duly chastised, Midori backs off with his tail between his legs. After he leaves, Tramplee starts to fantasize about Ryan (Fantasy #2). Once she snaps out of it, Ryan asks her if she would like to be his partner, 50/50 in the venture, since she has already done so much to help him. Tramplee gets a little nervous and turns him down. Ryan's a little surprised, but shrugs it off and goes back to work. Tramplee goes to bed, alone.

Amanda informs Janet and Arlene that Trevor has visited her. She tells them that he walked her home from school, that he gave her an angel necklace and here's the clincher, only she can see him. Janet is plenty worried about his behavior and thinks Amanda may need therapy before she gets her own Mirror Amanda, but Arlene isn't convinced and thinks that she'll be able to help Amanda instead. Yeah, I can see that happening. Outside, we see Amanda sitting on a bench and having a little chat with an invisible Trevor.

For anyone who's interested, Rae called Myrtle again and said she found the desk, and that it's somewhere called Port Charles. *snore*

Just when you're really starting to enjoy something, AMC pulls the rug out.... yep Waifley and Assholeo are back from Jamaica. Boo!!! And of course, Waifley is lamenting about how awful it is that Arlene is back. Don't you worry Waifley, big bad Assholeo is going to take care of her for you.

Unbeknownst to Arlene, Waifley and Assholeo are on their way back a day early. A call came for Waifley from a reporter for uh, Vanity Day or something like that, for an interview. Arlene tells them to come on over and then makes plans to get herself an interview. So she tramps herself up and takes a couple drinks while she waits for them to arrive. Once they do, Arlene really shoots her mouth off. She tells them she's there to help Waifley plan her wedding, that she's marrying Assholeo, then tells them the whole story about Raquel and Max. And I'm talking the whole story... from Assholeo being a bigamist, to him moving Raquel and Max right next door, everything. She even lets it slip that Waifley is an alcoholic. Then poses for pictures. Somehow I think this whole sordid tale will end up in the Intruder. And as they are snapping away at Arlene, who should come waltzing through the door but Assholeo and Waifley.

As Assholeo ushers the reporter and photographer out, Waifley and Arlene get into another blowout of a fight. Arlene tries to cover by saying that they were interested in Trevor, but she had to cover for Trev so she told them all about her instead. Assholeo comes back in after talking to the reporters, bitches up a blue streak at Arlene then exerts his manhood by telling them all that Waifley is moving out. Waifley, having no mind of her own, lets her man lead her upstairs to pack and then leaves. Once outside, Waifley is having second thoughts about leaving Janet and Amanda alone with Arlene, but Assholeo tells her they can keep an eye on Janet from afar and that she should think of herself for once. Being as that's all he ever does, I'm sure he can teach her how. And thankfully, this is all we had to see of them this week.

Erica morphs into a 3rd grader and decides to make David jealous by letting him see her with Paolo. It does work, David has a hard time concentrating on the lunch he is having with Joe Martin because he can't take his eyes off Erica and her lunch companion. But much to Erica's chagrin, Alex goes over to the table and decides to make amends with David in front of Joe. They decide to try and work with each other better and then hug. Oh, Erica is so pissed I think she might kick Alex in the knee during recess.

Later Erica takes Paolo to her house so they can finish their discussion about the leather business, or buying a house in France or something, I honestly don't know nor do I care about this. But on Leo's recommendation, Paolo brings up royalty and we are treated to a very nice Dimitri mention. I guess that's one good thing that came out of this crap. Just then, a very angry and jealous David arrives. Once he notices that Paolo is there with Erica, he storms off. Erica feigns a sudden headache when she realizes her plan has backfired and sends Paolo away. And then, yes, you guessed it... Erica fantasizes about David coming in, throwing Paolo out and sweeping her off her feet (Fantasy #3). Poor David, how is he supposed to know that Erica wants a control freak for a boyfriend. Maybe once he realizes it, he can get some pointers from Assholeo.

Nessie decides to bring up Palmer's will, again, and the fact that she and Leo aren't in it. You know AMC why don't you do something with them that is more interesting than this nonsense? Vanessa knows damn well that Palmer didn't marry her because he loves her, so why would she think she should be in his will, let alone Leo! Nessie needs to be scheming, she's good at it. Give her something to do, and Palmer too for that matter. This will crap is very tiring. Anyway, Palmer is pissed off that Leo is neglecting his work at Cortlandt Electronics and right on cue, Leo arrives and sits down to breakfast with Nessie. He tells Nessie that he's being blackmailed and that he needs $30,000. But with Palmer being so angry that he doesn't work and he's getting more and more annoyed by her constant talk of his will, she tells him there is no way she can help him. Uh oh... sounds like Leo has a motive for murder. Interesting side note... as Paolo was trying to get money from Leo, Leo said something about his coke habit. Hmm, Paolo has a drug problem? I guess that could mean that the murderer will end up being some inconsequential drug dealer schlub that Paolo owes money to huh?

Becca continues to tutor Leo without Scott's knowledge. For some reason Becca feels the need to lie to him about this, and this is the second disaster to be set in motion this week. Why keep lying about it? Lying is a bad thing, and once Scott finds out, he's going to be more pissed off than if she had just told him she were tutoring Leo in the first place. I don't get it, what has she got to hide? Or are there some feelings there that she's in denial about? Hmmm could be. Oh and thanks for explaining to us why Becca is always at WRCW AMC people... she had a temp job that is now becoming permanent. See... ask and you shall receive.

David has been feeling badly about telling Gilly that Adam was really Colby's father. Although for the life of me I can't figure out why. But he spots her at the Valley Inn and asks her if he can join her for dinner. Gilly, of course, turns him down flat. So he apologizes to her, tells her he never meant to hurt her and asks if she can find it in her heart to forgive him. She replies by asking the waiter to have him removed for harassing her. She blames him for everything, and this is just not right. Just because he told her about Adam? I don't get it. He didn't force her to keep it from Jake, Gilly made a conscience choice to do that. Not that David is innocent, he's never innocent, but it's not his fault that Jake got hurt and left town either. After Gillian storms off, David gives us this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when he says, to no one in particular I might add, "Being nice never gets me anywhere. Why the hell do I even try?"

And lastly, before I get to the big storyline we have a little incident at the Hunting Lodge. Edmund arrives to find Alex trying to get a bat out. Wonder where they got that idea? Anyway, Alex screams and does the heebee jeebee shake while Ed tries to throw a sheet over it. Once they get it out, Jack arrives and tells them that Alex's medical records were never sealed. While Ed tries to get a hold of Alex's doctor, Dr. Griffith, Jack shows Alex a photo of Lily. Be still my heart, I almost passed out at the mention of Jack's daughter.

OK... so at the jail we have Tad and Adam still sharing a cell and getting on each others nerves. Tad taunts Adam with his obvious problem with Stuart and they spar about the women they have in common ... which is many (Dixie, Liza, Brooke, GloHo). Jack arrives with divorce papers for Adam to sign, but he of course, refuses to sign them. Once Jack leaves, Tad asks Adam what he thinks of Liza and Jack as a couple. Adam doesn't like the sound of it, but you know... it sounds OK to me. Anyway, Adam once again offers to drop all charges against Tad if he can get Liza to drop all charges against him. Tad refuses, again, and tells Adam that he's willing to sacrifice everything to stop him for good. Gee Tad, take a pill.

In the meantime, Liza is trying to get the full story of Leo's involvement with Paolo and Adam's involvement in the seduce Marian caper. Liza plays the role of black widow while calmly questioning a very nervous Leo. You know Leo, I warned you before about sweating in all that leather, you're going to get a nasty chafe. Anywho, Liza hints around to the fact that she drugged his drink, and asks him what it's like to feel so helpless. Leo continues to play dumb but when she tells him that he can either help her, or go down with Adam, Leo cracks. Liza gives Leo back Palmer's business plan that he stole from PC's safe in exchange for information. So Leo tells her the whole story and that Paolo never touched Marian, just drugged her and undressed her. Leo tells her that he'll deny everything he has said, then Liza informs him that he's been videotaped. Oops, Leo never thought about that and now he's really sweating so much he probably has a rash.

Liza shows Leo's confession to Marian, who is so relieved that Paolo didn't rape her. They start to make plans to get revenge on Adam when Jack shows up with the news that he wouldn't sign the divorce papers. Liza isn't exactly surprised by this and asks Jack if he wants in on the plans to take Adam down. Jack agrees, as long as his part is within legal limits. Nice touch.

Back at the jail, Tad has Scott come there with a video camera and starts to tape his show "Nothing But The Truth" with Adam as the subject. He starts to talk about Adam Chandler being in jail and let me tell you, Adam is not happy about this at all. In fact, he goes over the bars and wacks Tad's head right into them! Then he tries to get Scott to turn off the camera, but Scott refuses. Tad regroups and gets up, only to be punched in the face by Adam. Adam then attacks him and bites his ankle. I swear, he bit his ankle! Then, just as he's about to punch him again, Tad covers his face with his arms and yells, "Not the face!" so Adam gives him a swift kick in the, uh... family jewels. All the while, Scott is filming and this is our SCENE OF THE WEEK. Once the cops come in and try to see what the ruckus is all about, Adam fakes having chest pains to get out of any trouble, and they confiscate Scott's tape... only Scott switched the tapes like a master magician when no one was watching so Derek destroyed the wrong tape.

Dixie arrives at the jail and tries to talk Tad out of this vendetta against Adam, that's it's effecting the kids. But Tad refuses. This sends Dixie into a strange fit of jealousy, saying he's only doing it for Liza. She lost me here. Isn't this about Jake? About how Adam ruined Jake's life? How he took Joe and Ruth's granddaughter from them? Not to mention all the other things Adam has done to his family... like trying to send Junior away because he likes Tad better? Nope, poor misguided Dixie thinks Tad is only trying to get revenge on Adam because he hurt Liza. Sure thing Dix, whatever. And as if on cue, Liza arrives and Dixie leaves. Liza tells Tad that she has a plan and to follow along without contradicting her. So once Adam is brought back, she tells them that she's not pressing charges, so Adam drops the charges against Tad and they are both released.

Liza tells Tad that their plan must remain a secret and Tad agrees to tell no one, especially Dixie... Disaster #3, set in motion. Tad keeping things from Dixie. Lying is a bad bad thing Tad. So the plan gets underway. Liza brings Adam home, and soon after, Tad arrives for a staged fight between himself and Liza. As they planned, Adam listens. Tad accuses Liza of still loving Adam, and Liza plays it up like she does but she's denying it. She does it so well in fact, that she confuses Tad. Without Adam hearing though, she assures him that she hates Adam.

Over at Tad's house, Adrian and Dixie are talking and she is spouting off about Liza again. She goes so far as to call her "the poor little victim." You know, I'm getting a little tired of this 'tude of hers. In fact, Liza was the victim here, to a degree. She was impregnated against her will. I love how AMC makes Dixie so totally obnoxious before she leaves the show that by the time she finally does, I'm jumping for joy. So, Tad arrives at home after being released and having his play fight with Liza. Dixie was wondering what took him so long to get home since she had called the jail and they said he was released hours ago. Tad covers by saying he went to WRCW. Adrian can see right through Tad, and I'm wondering why Dixie can't... but she seems oblivious.

Back at Adam's house, Adam finds out he is having problems with one of his companies in South America and has to immediately go there. Liza pretends to be worried about him going there and asks him to sign over a power of attorney to her so if anything happens to him, she and Colby will be provided for. Adam is taken a little bit aback by the request, but more so because he seems to think that it proves Liza still loves him. Talk about delusional! Anyway, he asks her to admit that she still loves him and he draws her into a kiss. Liza looks like she's going to hurl when she finally pulls away from him. She tells him it's too soon, but Adam can't seem to take no for an answer and kisses her again. He's coming on strong so Liza takes a belt out of one of their bottles for courage and then gives in. They have sex on the sofa and I have to wonder how Liza prostituting herself to make her plan move forward is any better than what Adam did with the sperm switch? Maybe because Liza knows exactly what she is doing. Adam still maintains that he did nothing wrong. In any event, Liza gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award for actually going through with having sex with Adam and not becoming violently ill. I sure hope she used protection!

Just when they are getting dressed and experiencing the afterglow, Marian and Stuart arrive. Marian can plainly see what has happened by Adam's clothes being all over the floor and bitches Liza out. Liza assures Marian that she did what she had to do, and will get the power of attorney from him as soon as she leaves. But she has to leave her purse and come back because the signing has to be witnessed by a notary...which Marian is. So, Liza talks him into signing, and Marian comes back. She gets in Adam's face about signing that and acts like he's pulling a fast one because it has to be witnessed. Adam remembers that Marian is a notary and tells her to witness it. Gee Adam, sex really makes you dumb doesn't it?

At the Martin's, Tad has gone out to pick up the pizza, but really he goes back over to Adam's and spots them doing it on the sofa. He's disgusted and leaves. In the meantime, Disaster #3 continues to get put in motion as Dixie gushes to Adrian about how honest and trustworthy Tad is, how he never lies to her, and how his family is the most important thing in the world to him. When Tad returns, Adrian urges Tad to drop this vendetta, in essence, trying to stop this disaster from happening. Of course, Tad refuses and explains to Adrian all the things that Adam has done to his family.

The next morning Tad arrives at Adam's just in time to hear her tell Adam she loves him on the phone. Tad accuses Liza of being addicted to Adam and doublecrossing him. Liza counters back with Tad actually being the one who is addicted to Adam. Tad ponders this for a moment and Liza tells him how he can't get enough of Adam, how he raced to her house first thing in the morning because he had to see what was going on, how he's obsessed with getting revenge. For some reason I think she called him a raging ahab, and I have no idea what that means. As they fight, Liza reaches an all time low as she yells to Tad that he will never forgive Adam for giving Dixie a child when he can't. For that Liza gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award. Low blow Liza.

Later at WRCW, Liza apologizes to Tad and tells him how she prostituted herself and loved every minute of it, how she wants to destroy Adam because she still wants him. She shows Tad the signed over power of attorney and they head to the Chandler board meeting to get the plan underway. Ohhhhh... this is going to be good!

This weeks AMC gets a B... pretty good for the most part, limited Mateo and Hayley which is always good, and very good use of mentioning past characters this week... Paolo asked Erica about Dimitri, Jack mentioned Lily, and Palmer mentioned Daisy. Love that! Now, what about Bianca!