The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


April 16, 2001

Today's Editorial is dedicated to Joey Ramone who passed away yesterday. Joey was the lead singer of one of the greatest bands ever... The Ramones. What a huge loss. I'm listening to the Ramones as I write this, so I may interject here and there. I'm finding that many of their songs that could be theme songs to some AMC characters. So without further ado...


Before I start talking about the show I thought I would share my thoughts about TempDimitri. I know many are calling him NuDimitri but I will continue to call him TempDimitri. His introduction to the show was said as follows: "In the absence of Michael Nader the part of Dimitri will be played by Anthony Addabbo." I found that encouraging for the return of Michael Nader. I hope he does return someday. But this wording could also be a sick ploy by TPTB to keep his legions of fans at bay. One never knows with TPTB. So for right now, I am treating Anthony Addabbo as a temp and I find him very bearable. None of this is his fault, so I feel he deserves the benefit of the doubt. I think he came into the show at a very crucial time for the character of Dimitri. He has a lot going on. He came in, had lots of scenes right away and has done them well. Now... about the age thing. This always ends up sounding so convoluted but I'll try it anyway. The character of Dimitri is said to be 47 years old (his date of birth on his stone in the mausoleum was 2/18/54. Michael Nader is 56 (his real birthday is 2/18/45). And Anthony Addabbo is 40 years old (9/14/60). So far, I think his age is working OK. But once he's got more scenes with Edmund, who is younger than Dimitri, it may show. John Callahan is *ahem* 47 (12/23/53). Sure John. So now suddenly, Edmund is older than Dimitri. That kind of bugs me. But not as much as Jake being older than Tad! True, J. Eddie Peck (Jake) is only a year older than Michael E. Knight (Tad). But Jake is supposed to be 22 and his portrayer is 41. Tad is supposed to be around mid-30's, while MEK is 40. My head is starting to spin. I better crank the Ramones a little louder... "bah bah bah bah bah bah bah, I wanna be sedated!"

Never before have I seen a more stunning bride than Gillian this past week. Everything from head to toe was perfect, from the floor length veil, to the regal jewels befitting a Princess, to the absolutely gorgeous vintage gown. She was perfection. Oh pass me the tissues, I'm a sucker for a wedding. This wedding was all put together courtesy of Edmund, Dimitri, Alex and Eugenia on a suggestion by Laura who told Dimitri that Gilly and Ryan were going to get married at the courthouse. Playing Fairy Godparents, much like they did for Noah and Julia back in 1996, they got everything ready, including the relatives flown over from Hungary all in one day. An amazing feat, but not impossible considering the round the clock staff at Wildwind, the use of their own chapel and terrace. So they had to purchase flowers, get great great grandmama's dress cleaned and impeccably restored, get Ryan a tux and themselves too, invite guests, fly the country relatives over. What else? The staff probably did the cooking and decorating. So really, when you have a mansion, staff, money to spare... it's not so hard to throw an impromptu wedding! So did you notice that only the people on the show with no lives were there - aside from the people who were involved with the wedding I mean? Like Brooke, Becca and Myrtle? They had nothing better to do, so why not attend? By the way, that was the final scenes for Becca. She's now gone... without so much as a mention. Why does AMC always do that!? Oh, and I loved how Erica told Bianca she couldn't go because she didn't have anything to wear. Since when Erica!!!

Oh and before I forget, going back to the age discussion above, suddenly Maddie and Sam have been aged up a little bit. Not much, just a little. But this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK stems from this sudden aging. Upon seeing the newly older kids for the first time Gillian exclaimed, "Look how grown up you two are!!" I found that tre amusing. And since she's no longer a toddler, I found it a little odd that Edmund kept carrying Maddie everywhere. Of course, he could just be making up for lost time since he never sees those kids anyway. Someone give NuSam a haircut please! He's looking a bit like Junior when he was little.

So back to the wedding with Dimitri as Master of Ceremonies. He walked everyone through it, stating that they have planned an Orthodox wedding for Ryan and Gillian. Unless Orthodox means the wedding is in the back of the church, it would be more appropriate to call this wedding UNorthodox. After the initial vows, they went back to the front of the church for the crowning ceremony. I remember when Erica and Dimitri had this type of ceremony and it took a lot longer if I recall. I found it a bit strange they the crowns never actually touched Ryan and Gillian's heads.

While all of this is going on, Anna is looking out the turret window like Rapunzil trying to remember her past. And as we see her suddenly having a memory of Robert Scorpio, her husband, we then see the feet of the lurker. Ahhh AMC loves a lurker. Are we supposed to believe that those feet belong to Robert? I guess. I think they belong to this new fella, Gabriel who arrives this week, just as we found out that Bart is dead. What kills me about these lurking feet is that since Anna came to Wildwind supposedly security has been beefed up, all kinds of precautions are being taken, and still he got on the grounds and goes wherever he wants... even in the house to steal Alex's picture! Don't you love AMC's consistency? sheesh. Anna's Ramones theme song is a no brainer... "Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment."

Gillian is so blissfully happy that she even lets Greenlee stay at the wedding. Greenlee came with Leo, who had the rings and showed up late because he was in court watching David hang himself out to dry. As the celebration continues, Dimitri tells the guests that in order to dance with the bride, they will have an auction. Leo bids some cash, one of the strange relatives bids a lamb and no one could figure out where it came from or how they got it into the US from Hungary, but Sam wins the first dance by bidding (with some prompting from Eddie) to "swab the deck of the Fidelity for a month." But Ryan wins the first actual dance when he offers Gillian his heart. Oh, I need that tissue again! As they dance and ooze love at each other, Greenlee listens to their heartfelt feelings for one another and gets so upset that she runs off back to the chapel. She wants that kind of love. Leo follows her. They start their way back to each other as they both admit they want love and companionship and can have it with each other. Greenlee shows some intense vulnerability and fear at getting hurt again. I love when they show this side of Greenlee. Don't get me wrong, I love her bad ass self too, but every baddie needs a human side too.

Back at the turret, Anna decides she wants to walk the grounds. Big Bad Bart won't hear of that!! There are way too many people around, she could easily be seen. Anna tells Bart of the flashback she had and knows that it's Robert. Bart tries to tell her that Robert didn't survive the explosion or whatever it was when they were both supposed to have died because he didn't have Bart to save him like she did. Anna tells Bart that she will never feel whole until she can find her family. All I have to say to that is let her go find them!!!!

Ryan and Gillian turn down the suite that Dimmie had fixed up for them in Wildwind in favor of spending the night in the dusty and dingy turret, which sets off a wave of panic in Alex, Dim and Eddie. While Eddie goes to get Anna and Bart out of the turret, Alex comes up with a really lame Hungarian custom that she made up ... that infamous Hungarian sipping ritual where the bride and groom get a full glass of wine and must only sip it until it's gone. Gee Alex, wouldn't cutting the cake have been a better diversion? After enough time has gone by for Ed to get Anna out and light about a million candles in the turret, Dim, Alex and the rest of the guests walk Ryan and Gillian to the turret.

And back at the main house, Eddie is sneaking Anna up to his bedroom when who should see him but busybody Brooke. She has no life of her own, poor thing, so she has to cast judgment and jump to conclusions about everyone else. She confronts Edmund and accuses him of sneaking around with his brother's wife. Poor Brooke, I wish they would give her a life. Brooke's Ramones theme song is "Here Today, Gone Tomorrow."

Leo and Greenlee have decided to give their relationship another chance. When they head back to the loft, Leo gets a twinge of jealousy at Greenlee and Jake's living arrangement. Greenlee assures Leo he has nothing to worry about, and that Jake only tolerates her because he feels sorry for her. They decide they want to be a normal couple. The next day they meet at the Boathouse for a picnic lunch. Leo packed all those normal foods... bologna sandwiches and chocolate milk, and as they try not to eat it, they talk about the weather. Greenlee tells Leo that she wants a happily ever after but doesn't want to be mundane about it either! They decide to chill out and just take it step by step. This is when Leo starts to get the guilts... more on that later.

Let's back up to David's day in court. Oh it was a long time coming and we finally got to see David get caught! Now I like David, and I have since he came back to Pine Valley. I truly believe that David is the heir apparent to Adam Chandler. The untouchable, above the law scoundrel that I just love to hate. But that doesn't mean I wasn't happy to see him caught. He had to pay for this sick obsession with Dixie that almost completely ruined his character. I say almost because I still have hope for him. I would love to see, after Dixie finally admits that she loves him, for him to dump her on her ass so fast her head would spin. Now that would crack me up. I always thought his obsession with Dixie was the thrill of the chase.. the "I want what I can't have" syndrome.

I have a prediction about this storyline or at least about David's fate. Considering that there isn't much in the way of solid evidence against David, other than the tape that is pretty circumstantial. The tape is not good enough, the tape cannot prove that he actually had Libidozone in the flask. And the tape also shows that he didn't put it in the punch on purpose, but that Arlene actually bumped into him and he dropped it into the punch bowl. Leslie's testimony will be discounted because she's a loon. And Gordon's word against his... well, that may not be enough. I think that David will end up with a slap on the wrist... no jail time, community service and probation. I also think that he will get reinstated at the hospital by playing his Anna card and Alex will have to plead his case to Joe that they need him for the Andrassy Foundation. You see, much like Adam, David always comes away from a mess smelling like a rose.

So back to court. Thinking that he's lost Dixie forever, David decides to pull out all the stops and pleads guilty to everything. Leo tries desperately to stop him from making this mistake, thinking it's all his fault that David is in this mess because he let the tape get out of his hands. Oh Leo... you didn't make David do any of the horrible and manipulative things he's done. David made his bed. And then he tells the court just why he did all the things he did... he did it for love. Now if that isn't a page out of the Adam Chandler handbook I don't know what is! He admits to everyone that is was only Tad that he wanted to drug, not the whole yacht.

As David is about to be led off in cuffs to jail after his confession, Dixie goes to him and asks the bailiff if they could have a minute. Can someone tell me why the bailiff actually gave her one? Dixie finally realizes that David is a liar, a master manipulator, and did I mention a liar? She also realizes that she's a big stupid idiot. That she played right into David's hands. She tells him she doesn't believe his confession. She tells him he's a monster that never loved her but only wanted to compete with Tad. And as David lays it on thick, her doubts disappear and she starts to believe him all over again. David's Ramones theme song is, "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend." Dixie gets five months worth SUPER COLOSSAL SKANKIE HO SLAPS. My Ramones theme song for Dixie is "Beat on the Brat" (sample lyric... "Beat on the brat, beat on the brat, beat on the brat with a baseball bat!") David tells her that she'd be better off hating him, if that will help her cope. With that, Dixie is all a flutter again and Tad leaves. This whole time, Dixie is wearing a teeny tiny blue blouse that looks like it was from Maddie's wardrobe, not hers.

Dixie is shocked to realize that she's such a moron. I could have told you that months ago babe. She can't believe that she was actually wrong and that everyone else in Pine Valley was right about David. Duh. Jake tells her that she should just forget about David and go back to Tad. But Dixie has feelings for David and she can't lie to Tad about that. Jake doesn't seem to understand why she can't lie, so she compares lying to Tad as being the same as the way Gillian lied to him about her feelings for Ryan. Ouch. But Jake disputes her by saying that for Gillian, it was always Ryan and he was just too blind to see it. But Dixie belongs with Tad. I'm not so sure about that anymore.

Dixie goes off to find Tad and finds him in the park. She apologizes to Tad for everything, but Tad does something I sure wish he didn't do. He blamed himself because of all the things he has put her through in the past. He urges her to admit her feelings for David and that she loves him. She finally does. And then they actually talk... I mean really talk, for the first time in months, without accusations or arguments. Tad is in pain, he cannot understand how Dixie could fall for someone as horrible as David. Dixie seems to have a hard time coming to grips with this herself. Tad is happy that she finally has admitted the truth to him and to herself, but tells her that he cannot be with her knowing that she loves someone else. What happens next is beautiful! Tad gets up and leaves her in the park. Chew on that you skank!!!

Through all of this, Erica has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is still Erica. I give the show credit for keeping true to at least one character anyway. Erica seems to believe that David's downfall all stemmed from her dumping him. Even poor Erica didn't realize that losing her love would cost a man so much. I just gotta love that woman! At the Valley Inn, Donald Steele confronts her about David. Erica is in no mood to deal with that twerp Donald Steele so she grabs a fork and threatens him with it. Roger swoops in and grabs the fork from her hand, tells Donald "Fork you" and whisks Erica away from the tabloid journalist. Roger tells her that he read in the paper about David and how he did all he did for love (funny... this scene was going on about the same time as David's confession in court. That PVB is really quick with a good story isn't it!?) but Erica corrects him and says it's all because of her. She goes on to tell him about how David drugged her and almost cost her her sobriety.

Donald suddenly sees Greenlee walk into the Valley Inn and decides to try and get some information from her about Leo. By way of payment, Donald offers Greenlee a walk on the wild side with Donald himself. Talk about delusions of grandeur! Greenlee isn't interested so Donald reminds her about how willing she was to tell him about Bianca being a lesbian. Erica, of course, hears this and really fumes. She gets Donald tossed out of the Valley Inn and then confronts Greenlee. Remember earlier how I said that I believe David is the heir apparent to Adam? Well that is how I feel about Greenlee too... she is the next Erica. This is the battle of the bitches. Greenlee cannot be intimidated by Erica, and that doesn't sit to well with La Kane. Greenlee tells her that Erica couldn't possibly love anyone more than she loves herself. Erica fires back that Greenlee's own parents can't stand her. Ouch, low blow and that sent Greenlee away from Erica. Just then Roger comes back for Erica and Greenlee sees them leaving. Roger pretends he doesn't even know her, but that isn't going to fly with Greens. She asks him if he ever told Erica, and then calls him "daddy." Oh that's a shocker for Erica!

Greenlee, whose Ramones theme song is "We're a Happy Family" is shocked and appalled by her father's behavior. He's ashamed to have her for a daughter. The hurt is unbearable for Greenlee. She demands to know what she did to him that made him hate her so much, but Roger is not talking and trying to get out of the Valley Inn with Erica. Greenlee won't let him. Greenlee gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award for all the bitchiness and vulnerability she's shown. She can change from one to the other at the drop of a hat. As proven by her going from hurt little girl to telling Erica to watch her purse when she's with Roger.

Erica and Roger sit back down at a table and talk. She talks about how spoiled and manipulative Greenlee is. How she wants attention and this is what she actually says: "She would try the patience of any parent." Uh huh... didn't Erica try Mona's patience constantly? She goes on to say, "I've met quite a few people in my life, but I have rarely met anyone as arrogant or manipulative as she is. To say she's self centered is to not even begin to explore the inability she has to even respect that there are other people in the world." Oh Erica, you might as well be talking about yourself! I'm reminded of a phrase that I've been using here for a lot longer than AMC has been using it... "It's Erica's world and everyone else just lives in it." If she had said those words only using Greenlee instead of Erica, I think I might have just snorted my ice tea out of my nose!

Erica then brings up Greenlee's warning to her and asks Roger if he is after her money. Roger spins a big tale for Erica about how he married his wife Mary for love, not money. How he never lived up to the expectations of the Greenlee family and has always been an outcast. Erica is so understanding that I have to wonder if she is actually playing him. Could Erica be so stupid as to believe everything he is saying just because she hates Greenlee?

While all this is going on, Leo has gone over to see Bianca. I was glad to see this, I've always enjoyed their friendship and it's been pretty nonexistent lately. Leo needs to get something off his chest and Bianca is the only person he can talk to about it. He tells her about his past, about how and why he came to Pine Valley and how Greenlee has been the target all along. Bianca realizes that Leo is in love with Greenlee and could never do the things he set out to do. Leo is worried that Vanessa, in desperation, will do something drastic and tell Greenlee about the plan. Why he thinks that I have no idea. That would completely ruin their scam. But Nessie is getting hot under the collar because Palmer has just about had it with her sons. He even tried to get Dixie and JR to go on two month long trip to Barcelona with him, but without Vanessa. So she's in a big panic and has told Leo he has to get married to Greenlee before Palmer dumps her. Bianca urges Leo to tell Greenlee the truth before something happens and she finds out another way. Leo doesn't think he can do it, but is going to try.

Let's interject here and discuss hints that AMC is tossing out about Roger being Leo's father. Leo's father has been the cause of much speculation. Now, my first thought was that it was going to be Eric Kane. That I think is not possible. Once I really thought about it, it didn't make sense. The only connection is Vanessa was an actor, and Eric was a director. So if Eric were Leo's father, Leo would be older than David because Vanessa was an actress before she met David's father. Which is not to say they couldn't have hooked up later and had an affair... blah blah blah. My next choice is that Leo's father is Gillian's father. This still, as of right now, is making the most sense to me. What we know is that he was a well to do man of possible royalty. But Gillian's father lost all their money gambling, leaving Nessie and Leo with nothing, just like he has left Gillian. We know that Palmer knows who the father is and is keeping it as something to hold over Nessie's head. Now... Roger? Well, it looked like they wanted us to think that when they made it clear that Roger and Vanessa knew each other. But Vanessa is still urging Leo to marry Greenlee, so that it too twisted to even consider, even for Nessie. If it does turn out that Roger is Leo's father, then it will have to be proven that he is not Greenlee's father. There is absolutely no way that TPTB would trash a sizzling hot duo like Greenlee and Leo by making them brother and sister. And they are going to continue to be a couple, and make love next week so let's not get all icky about this. They are not brother and sister. I am sticking to Gillian's father being the one.... for now. This theory is subject to change.

Leo finds Greenlee crying in the lobby of the Valley Inn and takes her to a table and asks her what is wrong. Ask Greenlee oozes vulnerability and cries about her family, and jumps to the conclusion that Leo is having second thoughts about their reunion, Leo chickens out of telling her about his and Vanessa's plan and tells her that he loves her.

Backing up to after the wedding, Laura and Bianca decide to have a sleep over. While Laura is in the kitchen making them ice cream sundaes, Shannon shows up. This "kid" looks like she's about 30, but that's besides the point. She plays up to Bianca (with Laura eavesdropping on the conversation), about how she had to leave a party because everyone was getting high. Bianca urges her to go to an NA meeting, and find a new sponsor. Shannon isn't thrilled about this, but asks her when the meeting is. Bianca goes to find her mother's list of all 12-step program meetings in the area. While she's gone, Shannon starts to rifle through the house looking for Bianca's journal. While she's going through Laura's bag, Laura comes back and catches her. Shannon tries to cover but Laura doesn't buy it. Shannon threatens to tell Bianca that Laura is an ecstasy user, when Bianca comes back and downplays the incident. Shannon leaves empty handed and goes back out to Heather and Mindy. This Mindy chick has the personality of a doorknob. Shannon vows to get both Bianca and Laura, and will somehow use Bianca's journal in the process.

The next night, Laura takes Bianca to a party at the Boathouse to celebrate her acceptance into PVU. Shannon, Mindy and Heather plot but Mindy being as bright as a 5 watt bulb is not understanding the plan. In the meantime, Bianca and JR talk about what's been happening in his life, but he's not really into talking about it at all. And Laura is off somewhere taking ecstasy. JR's Ramones theme song is "Rock and Roll High School." Later, a very high Laura comes back over to Bianca and tells her that she loves her and embraces her. Rut row... I smell trouble with this one!

Later in his jail cell, David's lawyer hired by Vanessa,Tom O'Neil, comes to see David and urges him to fight the charges. He doesn't want to fight so he takes the DA's offer. Next thing we know, Dixie is there to see David. The next moment is by far, a PASS ME YOUR HANDBAG moment (renamed from "The Most Vomit Inducing Scene of the Week," this refers to a line said by Leo when they were at the court and Vanessa was trying to be a mom, he said... Leo: Do you mind if I see your handbag for a second? Vanessa: What? Leo: Your handbag. I'm suddenly feeling like I could barf). Dixie arrives and tells David to give her heart back. Oh pass me the handbag quick!!!! She goes on to say how she wants to hate him, but she can't. She tells him she knows he only confessed because he was caught and otherwise he'd still be lying to her and letting her believe that Tad and everyone else was persecuting him. She tells him that his love is a perversion, but she can't help but still be attracted to him. Um, I need another handbag please, the first one is full!!! Dixie tells David that he should fight the charges for himself, not for her. She once again begs him to let her go, but he won't and to prove his love for her, he punches the wall. Whatever David.

In the meantime, Tad is telling Jake he's tired of having mom bring him warm milk before bed, and can he bunk with him at the loft. Jake, always the judgmental ass, tells Tad that he's giving up on his marriage and letting David win. Just then, David is brought into the ER in cuffs and Dixie is with him. Tad is there and sees her fawning over David once again.... busted! While David is being treated in the ER, Dixie goes to talk to Tad. Tad is FINALLY angry! He can't believe she's so taken in by David. How she could go to him, and not Tad. Dixie, using the only ammo she has, throws Liza up in his face and asks why he went to her, not Dixie. I'm sorry, this is not the same thing. Tad was not in love with Liza. Tad had a one night stand. Not that it's good or better, but he never claimed to be in love with Liza. Dixie is in love with David. Dixie had an affair with David. And it's funny, all that she had to say about his affair with Leslie now has disappeared since she knows that David did drug him for that reason. And still she loves him. All the things he did to her and her family, how he hurt them all, and she can still love him. Well Tad, I say... who needs her!!! Kick her to the curb. My favorite part of all this is the look of shock that Dixie has when Tad tells her they should stop playing around and just get a divorce. Shock?? How on earth could this bitch be shocked!? She's the one who initiated the legal separation. She's the one who told her husband that she loves someone else. Oh please... I can't stand her!!!

At the nurses station at the hospital, Nurse Somebody or Other tells scorned Nurse Amy that David was brought in with a broken hand and that Dixie was with him. Nurse Amy (remember her, she's the one David boinked in his office after he turned into Mr. Hyde the first time he tested Libidozone on himself). So as the two gossipy nurses talk about David, Leslie... who is in a wheelchair and Nurse Amy is supposed to be taking her somewhere, listens in. Then she gets that crazy look in her eye. Suddenly we are treated to SCENE OF THE WEEK, as Loony Leslie walks (and walks quite well I might add) into David's ER cubicle and injects his IV with some drug. David sees her and starts to panic but Leslie tells him that it's his turn and the last thing he is going to see in his miserable life is her face. Oh that was beautiful. By the way, Leslie's Ramones theme song is "Lobotomy!"

And one final thing, there is even a Ramones theme song for everyone in Pine Valley. It's called, "Somebody Put Something In My Drink."

This week's AMC gets a C+ mainly because I loved the Loony Leslie scene at the end of the week. That in and of itself brought the grade up. Damn I'm gonna miss her! Oh and the grade is also a little higher because of the sheer joy I feel that Mateo and Hayley are not on.